The world according to Beanns

Family

2009-12-04T21:47:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about family. What makes someone "family"? I know that we are born into a certain family but often those who are related by blood to us don't act like family and maybe we wouldn't even want to call them that. With my mom passing away I am left with a huge void; she was what was left of my immediate family that I felt any real closeness to. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings and I have a lot of them, 6 to be exact. My oldest sister Lynn lives in MN and she's a peach, I love her mucho mucho and I also love her daughter Alana, my niece who also had breast cancer. She's two years older than me (the niece) and she's awesome too. I also love my brother Billy; he's my only "full" brother, we share both parents. Even Angie, the one who drives me nuts, I love her but come on, she's not who I would go to in a time of need, let's be serious.
So who is my real family? Well, these are the people I consider family and if they read this I hope that makes them happy. Sean of course, he is my honey, I love him more than I can tell ya and I am proud and happy to be marrying him in a week. Then there are my best friends, I don't have just one but several who are the kind of friend's all women should be lucky enough to have; Natalie (I've known her since I was 12 and we are still friends all these years later), Karla (my first LA friend, and my rock, she took care of me when I was recovering from my mastectomy), Shannon, my second LA friend who would do anything for me, Joyce who moved to AZ but is still one of my best friends for life and flew out to LA to help take care of me after my cancer diagnosis, Jennifer who is like my little sister and is sometimes a bit nutty but has a big heart and is there when you need her. And my work friends, Mary, Maria and the other Jen as well as Arlene, Jackie and Chris who took me to chemo appts and brought me food and Alan who is the best guy friend I have. And last but certainly not least is Heidi, my ex-MIL and always friend who loves me unconditionally and came to take care of me after my last surgery. I would do anything for these people and they would do anything for me and to me, that's the real meaning of family. Blood is an accident of birth but to have people like this in your life is a blessing and I am proud that I am somehow deserving of their love and friendship.
So that's my real family now that my mom and dad are gone. I love my birth family but these are the people who are truly there for me and we have chosen to share our lives, good and bad. How lucky I am to have them.

I haven't posted in over a month

2009-09-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

So here's a post. I just don't really feel like detailing all the crap that's been going on, from my mom passing away to falling in the shower and breaking the 9th rib on my right side to the issues with my sister and brother following the passing of my mom to my mom's brother who is drinking himself to death...
On the plus side everything with the BF is still good, we went to Vegas for his birthday weekend and went to a murder mystery dinner, it was a hoot, we got to be part of the show and I won a prize at the end. I missed out on going to NYC with my friend Joyce due to breaking my rib so that sucked and we have to reschedule. And that's about all for now.

I hate cancer

2009-07-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

So I've been cancer free now for almost 2 years, I'm coming up on my 2nd anniversary which is a big date. It's called being NED, no evidence of disease and the gals like to say they are dating Ned...
I'm really really grateful that I seem to be beating it since I was stage III and it seemed my docs didn't have a great outlook on my prognosis. I try to live each day to the fullest, I finally got over my issues with relationships and found a man who loves me and who I love in return. I'm working on myself, my relationships, my life and I'm, for the most part, very happy
My friend C who's the same age as me was diagnosed with cancer (a different kind) about 2 1/2 years ago. She didn't quite make 2 years before it came back. She recently (like a week ago) finished chemo for the second time. Today she found out from a PET scan that the tumor that had shrunk due to chemo has now grown and it has spread to her bowl and she has activity in her thigh. She was stage IV when diagnosed, but still, this SUCKS SO MUCH ASS. She has kids and a husband and is fighting so hard and it's back without her even getting a break. I hate, hate, hate cancer and what it does to us, what it tries to take from us. I know she'll keep fighting and I'll be praying every day that she wins this fight, but my heart HURTS for her and her family and there's absolutely nothing I can do.

Omg, I'm such a loser!

2009-07-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it's been almost a month since I posted, what's wrong with me?! That's rhetorical, btw ;)
Ok, let's see, what's been the haps?
Well, the garden is doing SO well, it's very exciting, I'll try to take more pics and post them. We've already had tomatoes off both plants and all of the other plants have flowers and should hopefully soon have fruit and veggies. Even plants that didn't show in the first pics are coming up nicely, some type of beans (can't remember exactly what I planted). Flowers are doing well too, I like gardening, it's relaxing to get your hands dirty and see something come of it.
In other news, the new boob is doing just fine! I saw my plastic surgeon (or PS) and he was very happy with everything. He wanted to give me a new nipple and make the left side (original boob) look more like the new one, but I opted to be left alone for now. Enough slicing and dicing, thank you very much. Plus, I think it looks good and so does BF, that's all that matters. In clothes you can't even tell. There is one thing though, because the skin used for it was taken from my "lower" stomach, I have a bit of my happy trail now on my chest, so I have to shave it. Ha, what a crazy world!
All is good with the BF as well, we still have never even had a fight and our anniversary is this month. Of course I don't remember the actual date, but I already got him a gift and a card, I'll just give it to him when he gives me mine ;) I'm such a guy sometimes! On the bad side of things, he's still not working, it's been over 2 months and I'm starting to get a little stressed. So please keep your fingers crossed that he gets a job soon...
My mom is still doing ok, her breathing has not been good, I know why it's not good but she acts like she doesn't which is frustrating. I mean, she smoked for over 50 years and even once she was put on oxygen she kept smoking until very recently. A few years ago her doctor told her that her lungs were at approx. 10% of capacity but she kept smoking. That's why she can't breath and I think she's just at the point where the meds can't really do much good anymore. It sucks, but it's a result of her choices. So we go visit once a month, going up this weekend, and hopefully she'll last a while longer, I just don't know.
That's things with me, howzabout you?

I've been lagging...

2009-06-10T12:46:00.000-07:00

I know I'm a big ole lagger, it's been busy at work and at home, but I'll try to recap now!

It was my birthday last Friday and I took the day off from work. BF, my friend Karla and I drove up the coast to Santa Maria, stopping in Santa Barbara (actually Isla Vista) for lunch at Freebirds, which was supposed to be the best burrito to be had in those parts. We thought they were ok, but not the best, oh well. Then when we got to SM, we went by my ex-MIL's house to visit, we had brought her these yummy honeydew melon ice bars you can only get at Asian markets, she had them while she was here taking care of me and loved them. They taste sort of like a 50/50 but honeydew instead of orange, yummers. She gave me a Visa gift card for my b-day and a really lovely greeting card. Then we went to my mom's, we did some chores around the place for her, hung out for a bit, then went into San Luis Obispo for dinner. They were having an event called Art after Dark, around 20 stores and galleries were having exhibits, we walked around for about an hour, then went to an Italian place for dinner. I'd never been there, but the food was really good and the waiter, an older gentleman, was so nice. I had scallops with pasta alfredo and it was very good. I also mentioned it was my birthday and he brought us out a tiramisu for dessert, it was SO good! Yummy, yum yum...

Saturday we did more stuff for my mom, including BF putting in a new shower head, then we went for a long drive. It's really pretty in that area, there's not much to do, but it's very scenic. For dinner we had a local BBQ place deliver food ranging from ribs to tri-tip to chicken. It was a little disappointing and if anyone is in SM for BBQ I'd suggest stopping at any of the oak wood BBQ pits on Broadway vs. eating at the restaurant. Then we left SM at around 8:00 pm, stopped at Starbucks and drove home.

Sunday we mostly did stuff around the house, went to WalMart to get more stuff for the plants, TP and stuff. It was nice having a day to relax, lemme tell ya. I'm including some pics of my plants, they are doing really well, it's so exciting!

Disneyland!

2009-05-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

We had a really nice weekend. I wanted to thank my ex-MIL for taking care of me while I was recouping, so I bought 4 tickets to Disneyland and had them come down for a visit on Saturday evening. We totally cleaned the house Saturday during the day, did laundry, went to the grocery store, etc and they got into town around 5 pm. BF grilled turkey burgers and we had deviled egg potato salad and a green salad with avocados, tomatoes, english cuke and romaine. It was so nice out that we ate on the deck and then we played Texas Hold'em and had panna cotta from Trader Joe's for dessert, it's SO good.
Sunday we all got up early, I made us a cheese omelet with blueberry bagels and fruit for breakfast and we took off for Disneyland. We got there before 9:00 am and were able to get on three rides in a row w/out really having to wait, it was great. Then we had lunch at the House of Blues in downtown Disney, went back to the park for a while and finally left around 5:30. After we drove back home, my ex-MIL & FIL stayed for a while, then packed up and took off. Heidi (ex-MIL) kept telling me what a great time they had, she was so happy. Plus, it was her b-day weekend, so it was perfect timing. I'm really glad they had a good time because I wanted to do something really nice for her after all she did for me.
Of course, by the end of the evening I had a killer headache, probably from the sun, and I still have it today, I ended up getting to work late because when I woke up I couldn't see well out of my right eye, it was all fuzzy. Stupid migraines... oh well, it was still a wonderful weekend.

Not a UTI...

2009-05-11T11:42:00.001-07:00

But then we all were pretty sure it wasn't, huh? Yeah, the woman at Urgent care said she's pretty sure it's herpes, BF was in the room with me at the time. I had already told him I thought that's what it was. He actually had everything tested except for that prior to me meeting him and he really didn't know he had it. The Dr said many people get no symptoms at all on their first outbreak, or even just one little thing that looks like an ingrown hair, so he didn't even realize he had it. He feels like crap about it, it's FREAKIN' painful, lemme tell ya. I didn't kill him because I do believe he didn't know he had it. He's still in a state of disbelief but he knows that's the only place I could have gotten it, I haven't cheated on him. So now I'm on Valtrex and am hoping it subsides quickly and I am not one of the unlucky ones who has bunches of outbreaks. Sigh... if it's not one thing it's something else. But as Blu said, at least it's nothing worse, it's not gonna kill me or anything. Sucks though, I've never had as much as a cold sore in my life and now I have this. If I thought he was lying to me... he'd be the new Mr. Bobbitt, but I don't think he is. Frick.

I think I have a UTI

2009-05-07T10:56:00.000-07:00

Of course who knows, I've never had one before, but my girlfriend at work gets them and it sounds like it to her. It burns like the devil when I pee, I've been peeing more than usual and I feel crappy. I also have what appear to be little blisters in the general area, if you know what I mean, they hurt also. It is not pleasant at all. I am taking acidophalus (sp) and garlic and eating yogurt and BF is picking me up some cranberry juice and bringing it to work today. Hopefully I can get rid of this soon w/out going to the drs.
So I ended up not speaking to my sister over the weekend, I spent a lot of time with my mom and doing errands for her and basically figured out how to take care of things from here. I have someone who is going to clean her house every week and he already does her errands, I'm paying him an extra $20 a week for the cleaning portion, my mom already pays him for running errands. BF and I will be going up to visit once a month and doing my moms Walmart shopping when we are up there plus any extra errands she needs done. That should take care of most of the issues and it's the most I can realistically go up there. I also wrote my sister a letter and mailed it yesterday, she should get it today or tomorrow. It was not mean but I was honest about what I'm willing to do and what I think are unreasonable demands on her part. I also mentioned that she should have asked me for help instead of taking her anger and frustration out on my mom. I don't know how she'll respond, but I think it was better than having a confrontation in person.

Just stuff

2009-05-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

So I thought I'd post some recent pics just cuz, and give an update on stuff.

The BF and I are going to my hometown today, I'm leaving work at 12:00 and we are driving up. There's been some issues with my sister not wanting to help my mom out and expecting me to come up every weekend (yeah, I'm gonna drive 165 miles each way every weekend after working M-F and having to drive 50 miles roundtrip for that). I think she's smokin' crack because that's just crazy. She lives literally three doors down from my mom and my mother was doing her laundry until recently (probably still is, even though I told her not to) and she "borrows" money from my mom ALL THE TIME. But she doesn't want to help her. What the hell? I have a feeling we are going to have it out this weekend which is fine by me, I'm far meaner than she is and I'll rip her a new one if we have an arguement. I just feel bad for BF if he has to listen to it.

I'm also getting my hair done when I get in this evening and I am going to try to see my friend Colleen; she had stage IV cervical cancer and it came back, she's going thru chemo again right now. I want to see how she's doing and visit for a bit if she feels up to it.

We've been working on our yard a lot, last Sunday I planted seeds: sugar snap peas, another kind of bean, cantalopes, sun flowers, zucchini, pumpkin and assorted brightly colored flowers. I had already planted California poppies, they are coming up really nicely and my berry bushes and tomatoes are doing really well too. I can't wait to have fresh veggies and fruit this summer, competely organic!

At the top of the page are some pics for your amusement. First, me out hiking about 3 weeks after surgery, then a pic of Monkee on BF's lap and lastly a pic of Morris looking at squirrels in the yard.

For Alex

2009-04-15T09:57:00.001-07:00

Alex, you will be happy to know I was able to shag my BF Monday night. I'm back baby! ;)

In other news, one of our cats, Mookie, has a tooth that looks rotten, we're going to take him the the vet on Saturday. Monkee is still having skin trouble and still half bald, I started giving her cod liver oil today. Morris is ok, except he always tries to escape and he did get out yesterday; luckily he didn't run off and I was able to grab him and throw him back inside. Darn cats.

I am going to try to drive today for the first time. The doc said I could, but I drive a stick, not sure how that will be since I still can't stand up completely straight... I'll let you know how the expiriment goes :)

Sliced and diced

2009-04-09T15:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm finally feeling sort of like myself again. I had the surgery to make me a new boob about a week and a half ago. I was in the hospital for 4 days, then was released with three drains still in, a big ole incision across my tummy and my new patchwork boob. I have to walk bent over a bit, which makes my back hurt most of the time, especially by the end of the day. But today I had the last of the drains taken out (big old hole in my abdomen from it, yuck), and I am finally feeling kind of normal again. The doctor said I can start walking now, I can wear a bra, I do still have to wear the binder/girdle thing for at least another couple of weeks, but that's ok. I'm supposed to be out of work for another 4-6 weeks, but I'm going to try to go back in 2-3 weeks (I never stay out as long as I'm supposed to, why change now?).
Everything at home is going pretty well, the BF is awesome, he's taken really good care of me. My ex-MIL came and stayed for 5 days to help out and he was really appreciative, didn't weird him out at all. My mom is in convalescent care at the moment, she fell down right around the time I had surgery and was in the hospital for about a week, then moved to extended care. She's doing a lot better, going thru physical therapy which she really likes, and hopefully she'll feel more stable and strong when they send her home in about two weeks.
We got a beta fish and we have three bumblebee shrimp in with him, we also had to get two more sucker fishes because my big old guy died, so now we have two tanks and one bowl, with one big gold fish, one beta, four danios, three bumblebee shrimp and two sucker fishes (and a partridge in a pear tree...). Plus of course the three cats who get along a lot better now but somehow got fleas (maybe from me going horseback riding), so we had to get Advantage and Monkee had to go to the doctor and get a shot... it's always something! But life is good, and I am happy to have Hooters again instead of just one Hoot!

When old boyfriend's happen to good people

2009-03-19T15:32:00.000-07:00

So I was checking my email the other day and I saw there was an email from the guy I was dating right before BF. I have to say, when I saw his name in my inbox I got that weird feeling in my stomach. All I could think was "what on earth is he emailing me for?". We hadn't talked since he broke things off, and I really couldn't think why he'd initiate contact. So I open the email and see that he is apologizing for how he handled things. He said he's sorry for how things ended, that he freaked out when I met his daughter and thought things had progressed farther than he felt comfortable with. He now realizes that any awkwardness was all in his head and both the daughter and I were fine. He said I deserved better; that I'm beautiful, smart and all together awesome. He hoped I could forgive him and that either way he wishes me only the best. So that's all well and good, it put me in a tiny bit of turmoil; not because I'd for a second consider leaving BF to go back to him, and he didn't actually ask me to anyway. But I did have fairly strong feelings for him and it was weird hearing from him out of the blue. I ended up emailing him back and saying that I also wish things had gone differently, that I thought we got along really well and could have had something long term, but I don't hold any grudges or ill will towards him. Haven't heard anything since which is fine by me...
So, surgery is next Tuesday. This is an approx. 7 hour surgery, I had labs done last week, did a phone screening with the anesthesia nurse today to make sure I'm healthy enough and I think I'm about ready to go. I have to do some cleaning around the house and laundry before so it doesn't drive me crazy while I'm recouping. My ex-MIL is coming to stay with me for a week so I'm not home alone during the day and I want the place to look decent when she gets there. And we are having a little house warming party on Saturday as a sort of last hurrah since I won't be up for much partying for quite a while.

What's up doc?

2009-03-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

So as you all know, I've been to a couple of plastic surgeon's about breast reconstruction. A few weeks ago I saw a surgeon at UCLA medical center who does the type of surgery I want to have done. He told me what he'd do (DIEP Flap recon) and how long I'd be in the hospital (3-4 days) and recovery time (out of work 4-6 weeks). I've decided to go ahead and do the surgery. This doctor apparently has one of the best records for this type of surgery in the world, UCLA is a world renowned place to have anything done and I feel comfortable with the doc and his staff. This link: http://breastcancer.about.com/od/lifeduringtreatment/tp/diep_kind.htm, will give you a better idea as to the surgery I'll be having done. My date is set for Tuesday, March 24 so it's coming up quickly. I will check in with y'all as soon as I am able, hopefully by that weekend some time. My ex-MIL is going to come stay with us from the Sunday after until the following weekend because the BF has to work and I don't want to be home alone the first week. Keep your fingers crossed and send out good thoughts that it goes well and the cats don't jump on me as soon as I get home...

Weekend wrapup

2009-02-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

I had a really nice weekend, busy but really enjoyable. Saturday the BF and I did a lot of cleaning around the house because we were having people over on Sunday to watch the Oscars, and we ran some errands and went to the grocery store. Then the rest of the day we just watched TV and movies and hung around the house. Sunday I got to go riding with my landlord, just around the horse ring because it was kind of ugly outside but he said next weekend we'll go for a trail ride. He seemed a little impressed that I actually kind of know what I'm doing and he gave me a pair of cowboy boots to wear from now on as I only had my regular boots. It's definitely a bonus to have horses right on the property and landlords willing to take me riding, in my opinion. BF isn't at all interested in going with me, but oh well, maybe I'll get him on a horse eventually.
Then around 4:00 people started arriving for our party, we had 9 people total including BF and me and we all put in $5 and filled out Oscar ballots and the person with the most correct won the $45. I was tied with my friend Karla for most correct most of the night, with BF and another guy also being in the running, but then Karla pulled ahead and won. She got 19 of 24 correct, the bitch, I only got 15. Anyway, we had fun and I think all of our friends did too, and that's the important thing. As for the winners, I knew Heath would win and his family members gave nice acceptance speaches, it was really touching. I wanted Anne Hathaway to win but knew Kate would and she did. I voted for Mickey but Sean took it, that was ok and I also voted for Penelope who won. Slumdog took a whole slew of awards and I voted for them for Best Picture and director so that was cool. It wasn't the best Oscars ever but it was far from the worst, plus if you are drinking and eating with friends it makes it ever so much more enjoyable :)
And that was my weekend, how was yours?

Valentine's Day

2009-02-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

Happy V-day everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day tomorrow with your sweeties! This is the first V-day I've had a sweetie in a decade, it's pretty cool. He sent me red roses to work today and I know tomorrow we are going to lunch at an Indian place we like and to a movie. Not sure what we are doing for dinner. I got him a book about being a super hero cuz he likes that kind of thing and I also bought us a sexy adult game to play. I've ordered a business card holder for him but it hasn't come in yet; keep your fingers crossed it comes today. What are all of you doing for your assorted sweet hearts for V-day, if anything?

This is also a three day weekend for both of us, Monday is President's day so we get to spend all weekend together doing whatever we want, which might be hardly anything. I do want to plant some stuff in the yard but it's supposed to rain all weekend so I might not be able to. I can at least put more stuff away in the house and try to get it arranged.

I met the new plastic surgeon yesterday, the appt went well, now they have to request authorization from the insurance company and then we have to set a date. If it works out I'm going to try for end of March so I can be all healed and stuff by summer. They said I'd have to stay in the hospital for 4 days and out of work for 6 weeks, I was only out for 2 1/2 weeks after the mastectomy, but this also involves a tummy tuck. Then I have to go back several times to have other stuff done, but that first part is the hardest.

I've been so dang busy!

2009-02-04T12:04:00.000-08:00

Urg, I haven't had time to do any blogging, at home or work, it's just been so dang busy!

At work we had an all staff get together with the CU we're merging with last Saturday and we were getting ready for that for several weeks. It went off well, but it was a lot of work which we here at my CU did most of (like 85%).

At home... omg, so much to do! Saturday before said event the BF and I moved the rest of my stuff and I cleaned a bit, then did the walk thru. If I get anything back that'd be great, I'm not sure I even put up a security when I moved in. All week leading up to that I was moving stuff in my car a little at a time, all the big stuff went a week ago Sunday via movers. They broke one thing, guess what it was? My Martha Washington sewing table from the 18th century. Yep, broke three of the legs right off, shattered them actually. BF said he'll help me put new legs on it, but of course it's not really an antique now, is it? Oh well, crap happens. I finally got the kitchen organized last night, we had to add a lot of storage as there was almost none, now tonight I'm planning on cleaning and organizing the bathroom, then taking a bubble bath. I also need to do the rest of the house and I want to plant some flowers in the garden, and... sigh.

We bought three cute little gold fish, named them Cracker, Creamsicle & Red and Creamsicle bought the farm last night which sucks. Hopefuly the other two will last a while.

I met the landlords, both really nice, they live right behind us and the woman told me I can plant whatever I want, she'd love for me to do some gardening so she doesn't have to. She said she'll weed but I can put in whatever I like. She has three horses and boards several more and she's going to take me riding with her, I'm in heaven! :)

That's about it for now, once I have the house arranged I'll try to post some pics for y'all. In the meantime, here's a pic of the fishies (RIP Creamsicle).

Back from Vegas

2009-01-20T11:00:00.000-08:00

So I was gone for about 5 days in Vegas, half work and half fun. I flew out of Burbank Wednesday afternoon and got into Vegas around 4:30, took a taxi to the Hardrock and checked in, then went out to eat and did a little gambling. I had to be in the conference room the next morning by 8:00, got done by around 4 and then the owner of the company hosting the conference took us all to dinner and drinks at a German restaurant across the street. That was fun, with a band and lots of tourists. The second day of the conference was a little boring, just playing around on our laptops and I couldn't get the application to work because I don't have admin rights so... I basically read news stories and such.
That night (Friday) the BF drove up from LA, got into Vegas around midnight, we went to get something to eat and then back to the hotel for some adult entertainment ;)
Saturday we gambled a little, then drove out to the mall near Henderson and I picked up two new bras and panties from Victoria's Secret and he took me to see Zumanity that night. That's a pretty cool show, if you haven't seen it, very sexy and fun.
We drove back Sunday, didn't get home until 9 pm, just took our time, went by the Hoover Dam cuz I'd never seen it, stopped for lunch in Needles, for dinner in Gardena, it was a nice weekend.
I am still in the process of packing, got all my books into boxes, one box of bathroom stuff done, going to work on the kitchen next. I hate packing, but it will be worth it ;)

What's new?

2009-01-14T08:09:00.000-08:00

Going to Vegas this afternoon for a work conference, it came up fairly suddenly last week. The conference is only Thurs & Friday but I have to fly out today and since I'm going to be there anyway, I asked the BF to meet me so we are spending Sat & Sun there together, s/b fun. I've been packing boxes, cleaning out old papers, etc, trying to get ready to move. It looks like I'll be moving in on the 25th, I'm excited, I think this will really be a good thing :)
My mom is out of the hospital, they still don't know exactly what was going on but her blood pressure is stableized and her dizziness seems to be mostly gone.
That's about all that's going on with me, will post more during/after Vegas!

Meet the family

2009-01-05T09:45:00.000-08:00

Lots going on here in So Cal. My mom is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. She went in Saturday and is now doing ok, hopefully she'll be able to go home sometime this week. The real problem is the she's still smoking, even though she's been on oxygen for at least 6 years at this point and her blood isn't oxygenated enough which makes her heart work harder... so if she can't finally quit smoking I don't know how long she'll be around. It sucks and I really don't want to lose her but I know how she is and I'm not very hopeful that she'll quit.
On the BF front, I met his WHOLE FAMILY yesterday. For some reason I thought it was just going to be a small brunch with his brother and sister-in-law for her birthday but it was also his parents, his grandmother, her parents, brother and SIL, and a bunch of her friends. So I got to meet everyone right off the bat. It went well though, everyone was nice although his father is not very friendly or outgoing, but oh well, can't have everything. Then we went to WalMart and a couple of other places to look at furniture options for the kitchen and bathroom so we can add more storage. It was a nice weekend except for my moms health issues.

New roommie

2009-01-01T23:12:00.000-08:00

So guess who's moving in with their boyfriend? Why yes, that'd be me! We were at WalMart today (which I hate but there wasn't a Target around) and I was buying a new toothbrush and asked if it would be ok to get an extra and keep it at his house. And he said, yeah, of course. Then when I was figuring out which ones I wanted he said, "why don't you just move all your stuff into my place?" and I was like "hm, are you sure?" and he said yes and I thought about it and looked at toothbrushes and then I said, "ok, I could do that" and he said "yeah, move all your shit in and keep it there but of course you'll still stay in your place" hahaha, he's a riot. So I'm moving in, I am going to give notice for my apartment tomorrow and start going thru said shit because after being here for over 5 years I have a lot of it. Wow, I haven't lived with anyone in a long time and it's been even longer since I've lived with a man. Plus, he has two cats, not sure how Monkee is going to get along with them. It's scary but also really cool and exciting. Wish me luck :)

Happy New Years everyone!

2008-12-31T08:40:00.001-08:00

I hope everyone is doing something fun for New Years, whatever that might be. I am going to a party with the BF at his friend's house. It s/b interesting to meet more of his friends and see what they are like in a party situation. Since the BF doesn't drink at all, I can have a couple and not have to worry about driving, woo hoo! Not going to get toasted though, especially the first time I meet his peeps. Then tomorrow we are supposed to go into Little Tokyo with his friend Margaret (the almost roommate) and her on-again/off-again boyfriend. He wasn't sure I'd want to go since we are hanging out with his friends tonight and then have another party w/different friends Friday night, but I told him it was fine if he wanted to go. That s/b an interesting day :-/
Oh, and last night I'm pretty sure he said something about living together which I didn't really respond to. He was saying something about the party tonight and how we'd stay till midnight then probably go back to "our" place. And then he said, "oh, you know, one of our places. Although my place could be your place" or something like that. I wasn't sure exactly how he meant it so I just kind of said yeah or something equally appropriate and witty. Do you think that's what he meant?

Christmas recap

2008-12-27T11:31:00.000-08:00

Well, Christmas was good, but not as good as Fesitvus. The drive up the coast on Wednesday to Santa Maria was very nice though, some rain but not much and really no traffic to speak of. I did have a little fun with my ex husband and that's always good. I went by his parents house to visit and exchange gifts with my ex-MIL and he was there with his new little sancha and the kids. So Heidi introduces me as her friend to "Annie" and she doesn't even really look at me, just continues playing with the kids. But what can you expect, she's 20 for cripes sake. Anyway, I'm making little snide comments to my ex, and at one point I mention that it's ironic that my new boyfriend has the exact same name as my ex. But I don't call him my ex, I just say "hey my new BF has the same name as you, how ironic, huh?" and he's like, "yeah, very" but he's giving me a look which I completely ignore. The "Annie" goes upstairs for a while with the kids and Heidi says, "Ewan really likes Annie (Ewan is around 20 months old)" and I say, oh, that's nice, but of course I'm thinking of something sarcastic and my ex is looking at me and I'm smirking and I say "I was going to say something sarcastic but restrained myself" and he's like "yeah, right" so I say "well, they are almost the same age, no wonder he likes playing with her" and Heidi is cracking up, the ex is glaring at me, I'm laughing and I say "plus, they are like the same height, kids love that". Ha, he's such an idiot. So then "Annie" goes to the store with my exes sister in law and he tells his mom and I it's cuz she figured out who I was and is uncomfortable. And Heidi tells him, how is that our fault, you knew Jean was going to be here and I introduced her as my friend, if she figured it out that's not our fault. And he's like, I know, but it's still uncomfortable for her. So I ask him, does she know you have a first ex wife? And he says yes, he's told her about me, about me having cancer and becoming good friends with his mom again, blah blah, and I say, well then if she knows it shouldn't be a problem, right? And he's just being a moron, saying but it's awkward, whatever. So she comes back and he goes upstairs with her and the kids and my ex-MIL & FIL and I are laughing and making fun of him, it was great. So I found out later, he didn't exactly tell her about me, he told her I was "an ex" as in girlfriend but when she went to the store with the sister in law, she grilled her and found out I was actually wife #1 and that he left me for wife #2 who he then left for... Annie. So she says, "that sounds like a pattern" and the SIL says, "no shit". So I guess they were fighting the rest of the time, gotta love the holidays! I also got my hair done and went to my girlfriend's moms house Christmas night, had some wine and dessert, it was very nice. Then I came home yesterday and went to dinner and a movie with the BF, he stayed over and we are going out again tonight, or staying in, whichever sounds better :) It's been a very eventful holiday season so far and I still have New Years!

It's a Festivus miracle!

2008-12-23T23:30:00.001-08:00

I love Festivus, it's my new fave holiday! We ate meatloaf, mac n cheese & salad, watched two episodes of season 2 of Heroes, ate chocolate fudge cake and then exchanged gifts. I gave him the cards I had my ex-brother in law make for him, a pair of jeans I bought at the jean sale I went to and a stocking with some Star Wars characters in it. I think he really liked the cards, they were the main gift, so I hope so. He gave me some gold and diamond earrings with the claddagh symbol which stands for loyalty, friendship and love. And then I put on this cute little Santa outfit I bought at Macy's; it is red with white feathers and there's not much to it, he loved it ;) Well actually, he told me he liked it but he loved me. He loves me!! I love him too, how awesome is that? I haven't been in love for over a decade, it's such a great feeling to have someone who loves me and who I love in return. I am a very lucky girl.

Festivus for the rest of us!

2008-12-22T22:15:00.000-08:00

I am celebrating Festivus (or Christmas, whatever) with my guy tomorrow night. We are also going to lunch, I'm going to pick him up since I'm off all week and then I'm going to his place when he gets home from work. In addition to the Spiderman & Green Lantern cards I got for him I got him a stocking with Star Wars Christmas characters (Darth in a Santa hat is awesome!) and a pair of jeans at the jean sale I went to. I have no idea what he got me, it s/b interesting :) I also found a cute little holiday nighty at Macy's, red with white feathers, I'll be wearing it but really it's for him, right? This is the first Christmas I've had a significant other in 10 years, can you believe it? I'm all excited, and I really can't wait for New Years, we have a couple of parties to decide between but I don't really care where we go, I'm just happy to have someone I like this much to spend the holidays with. Merry merry Christmas everyone!!

Holiday plans

2008-12-16T12:23:00.000-08:00

I have a very busy week and a half coming up! I am taking off work starting this Friday and I don't return until Monday, Dec. 29. Friday I am driving to AZ to visit my friend in Queen Creek for a couple of days. I'll leave there Sunday around noon and hopefully be back in So Cal around 6 pm. Then Wednesday I am leaving again for Santa Maria to visit my family and friends for actual Christmas. I know I am going by my ex-MIL's house Xmas eve to visit and we are hoping my ex will be there with his new sancha so we can freak him out. His mom cracks me up :) I am also going out that night with my friend Natalie who does my hair, probably just to get a drink. Christmas will be spent at my mom's and then the day after Christmas I am getting my hair done and probably having lunch with another friend. Then I'm heading home that evening sometime, hopefully not too late. I'm not sure when I'm celebrating Christmas with the BF, probably either Monday or Tuesday before Xmas or the weekend after. I already got his gift but I know he hasn't done his shopping, he said he's doing it this weekend since I'm out of town anyway. Then New Year's is right around the corner, I'm sure there will some party to go to. So what are y'alls plans for Christmas and New Years? :)

What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...

2008-12-07T18:18:00.000-08:00

That song was on VH1 today for a list of one hit wonders, and of course I always have to do the head bob thing from SNL when I hear it. But it also makes me wonder, is it love? I was watching VH1 at the BF's house because I stayed over and I will probably go over this evening sometime as well. We are spending 4-5 nights with each other every week, my friend Jen says she knows we are going to end up living together. But here's my conumdrum (well, one of them anyway); I haven't been at this point in a relationship in a LONG TIME and honestly, I'm not sure I know what it feels like to be in love, fall in love, love a man anymore. I feel stuff for BF, quite strong stuff, but is it love? And is he in love with me? Neither of us has said it and I do not plan on being the first one, but I know even if he feels that it's got to be scary for him to say it also. He's uber affectionate, really lovey dovey, kisses the top of my head as we're watching tv, kisses the tip of my nose (I know Alex, gag, right? :), and I honestly think he probably does love me... or is falling in love with me... but how do you know? How can you tell if a man loves you if they haven't said it yet? How do you know if you love them? Does it feel the same as when you are a hormonal 20 something? Or does age and being hurt before and wisdom (ha, I wish) change how you experience it? Any thoughts?

What's new, pussycat?

2008-12-03T20:10:00.000-08:00

Not much actually. Work is ok, we are still waiting to see how the merger goes, but I will apparently have a job as an HR Generalist, they are creating the position for me. A lot of what I will do is act as an employee relations specialist, so that's cool. I am waiting to hear back about seeing another plastic surgeon who does the kind of surgery I want to have, keep your fingers crossed my insurance okays it because he's not in my group. And the boyfriend thing is going well, last night I was at his place till after 11 and I had to come home because I work early and I asked "why do I have to work, why can't I be independently wealthy?" and he said "well, when I win the lottery (and I will win), we'll just travel around the world". We're a "we", isn't that cute? :)

Bumper boats and go karts and mini golf, oh my!

2008-11-30T11:24:00.000-08:00

I had to work the day after Thanksgiving which sucks but my boss is fairly cool so she came in two hours late and I got to leave two hours early. I was out of there before 1:30, woo hoo. The boyfriend didn't have to work, so I went by his place and we had some lunch and watched another episode of Heroes and then we went to play mini golf. I hadn't played mini golf in years, since I went to Catalina around 4 years ago I think. We played one game of that and I lost by one point, not too bad considering. Then we did the bumper boats, that was fun, we squished this kid in between our boats, ha. Then we did the go karts and that was awesome, I was zooming around the course, I have no fear when it comes to driving, I was passing people and scraping by along the wall, good times :)
I stayed over at his place Friday night and then we went to breaky Saturday morning, went back for a while then I finally came home. Last night I made dinner and he came over and we played Star Wars Monopoly, I won, yay! And he stayed over and left a little while ago. It's going really well I think, it's hard for me to know for sure, we all know my track record, but it seems to be going ok. And I don't get all het up and crazy which is a good thing.
Today I have no idea what I'm doing, I should go to Target but I hate shopping this time of year, it's crazy out there. Maybe I'll just go for a walk or something...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T10:39:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to be thankful for! I am healthy this year which is huge. I am not in the midst of chemo like I was at this time last year. My friends and family are healthy and happy for the most part and love me. I still have a job, at least for now. Monkee is healthy and happy. I have a boyfriend :)
I hope all of you have a wonderful turkey day and spend it with people who make you happy. I wish for all of us a good ending to this year, and prosperity for everyone in the new year.
On a different note, my ex brother in law is an artist and is currently working for Marvel doing super hero cards and such. My boyfriend is really into comic books so I asked him who his fave super heroes were and he said Green Lantern & Spiderman. I am having the ex-BIL make him a card for each, full color, they are costing me $35 each. I thought they would be a cool xmas gift, and of course they will be one of a kind. What do y'all think, is that a cool idea?

Developments

2008-11-23T22:16:00.000-08:00

Well I guess he is my boyfriend and guess what else, he's not moving in with his friend. So I guess I'll see how it progresses from here :)

Another one

2008-11-23T13:06:00.001-08:00

And this is the guy, me, and my friend's John & Sheila

Pics from Mafia party

2008-11-23T12:59:00.001-08:00

Here is a pic from the party last night:

This is the guy who went as the Pope from Godfather III and me of course :)

Par-tay!

2008-11-22T09:53:00.000-08:00

I am going to a friend's birthday party in Altadena tonight (the really nice area, not the scary ghetto area) and I am taking the guy. I've met some of his friend's but he hasn't met any of mine. When I asked him on Thursday if he'd like to go, I didn't really expect him to say yes but he did, right away. Last night I went over to his place and we watched Heroes and ate turkey burgers he made, then had brownies and Ben & Jerry's ice cream (cheesecake brownie, really good), then I stayed over. So he has some mixer thing at UCLA today then he's coming over and we're going to the party. It's a Mafia themed party so I'm going to wear a black and white pin striped skirt with a black blouse and a black and white houndstooth fedora I have and he's going to dress up also. It s/b fun and I'll try to post some pics afterwards. Happy weekend everyone!

Mel was right

2008-11-21T08:24:00.000-08:00

Or at least kind of. Last night my guy came over, he brought pizza and I made brownies and we watched My Name is Earl and the Office and 30 Rock and we were talking about the living situation. He and his friend went over to the landlords after work to talk to them about sharing the one house instead of renting both. Then they are walking back to their places and she tells him "actually, I am going to get some work from so-and-so, I may not even need to have a roommate". And he's like, why didn't she tell me that before we walked over there? I told him she's a flip-flopper, and maybe he should wait a bit on the moving in. Then he said "maybe you should be my roommate". And I actually said "well, that would be better", I can't really believe I'm even considering moving in with someone, I've lived alone for 5 1/2 years. But last night I also got a notice that a new company is going to be managing my building and the rent ALWAYS goes up when that happens which is lame and I don't want to pay more for my apartment, it's not worth it. He said he's going to tell her they should wait till at least the new year and I said, good, then we can see what's going on at that time. So... I don't know, maybe I could live with him. Not sure Monkee can live with his two cats, but I guess she'd get used to it. And that's what's new in the Land of Beanns.

Sheesh

2008-11-19T15:14:00.000-08:00

So everything is going really well with the guy I'm dating, in fact he made me dinner last night and then we watched last week's Office online so we'd be prepared to watch this week's at my house tomorrow night. Then we watched some other weird show with that Doogie Howser guy online then watched Chasing Amy on DVD. Then we were messing around and that was fun and afterward we're laying in bed talking and he tells me that due to money being tight for him and his friend they are going to move in together and be roommates. Now that doesn't sound bad but here's the back story: this friend is a girl (not normally a problem for me) who is in online porn (I'm not judgemental so that's ok, but...) and my guy was at one time in one of her videos with her doing some oral testing if you know what I mean. So they have this history and I do believe him that they are just friends now, plus he's being very upfront about the whole thing, but still. He asked me if it was ok with me and how I felt about it, and I told him it was alright but of course I'm still kind of uncomfortable. How would you feel if you were in this position? Not that any of you would be because clearly my life is the stuff of soap operas and I don't know anyone else who has anything remotely as weird going on. The thing is, he's really nice, I like him a lot, it's not love by any means at the point, but it's comfortable and we have a lot of fun together and he's told me how much he likes me and how awesome I am multiple times, so I know he feels the same. I just am not sure how to feel about him being roommates with (BBW) porn girl.

Do I call him a boyfriend?

2008-11-15T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hm, don't know yet. He still lists himself as single and so do I, but we are spending a lot of time together. Tuesday we went for our hike and hung out for like 12 hours, last night I made dinner at my house and he brought movies and would have stayed over except for the Sylmar fire which is pretty close to his place. Then this morning we went to breakfast and I'm going over to his house later. The sex has improved although we are still around 50% on his end. He's very generous and I always get mine but he's been having problems still. I did make sure he finished the other night (sorry if this is too graphic) but man it took a long time. Last night was fine, no problems at all. We get along really well, laugh at the same things, he liked my cooking yesterday... everything seems to be going well. And, I'm not all crazy nutso like normal, I'm actually really mellow about the whole thing. I just hope he can find a job so he doesn't have to move someplace crazy. And that I don't lose my job (in one way or another) and have to move.

After date wrap up

2008-11-09T17:06:00.000-08:00

Ah, isn't dating fun? I mean, it is, I'm not really being sarcastic, it is fun but it's also challenging, or at least that's what I'm noticing. I had a really long date yesterday, he picked me up at around 12:30 and we went to the Rosebowl and tailgated until just before 3, then went in to the game, that lasted till 6 or so, then we tailgated some more with a group of his friends and had cookies and champagne (even though UCLA lost). His friends are nice and they were all really friendly which was cool. After everyone left it was still early so we picked up a movie and came back to my place to watch it. It was a scary one which he hates, but he watched it cuz I wanted to, that was sweet. I had to promise to protect him from it tho and of course I did ;)
Then we messed around and once again he acheived lift off which was v. good! And then I asked him if he wanted to stay over so he did and this morning we were messing around again and... no liftoff. He started off fine but somewhere along the way lost it. Not sure exactly why but he did lose his job on Friday and his ex was in town and he was going to have to see her this afternoon, so probably stress, anyway I hope it was stress. I know he had a really good time with me tho and I did with him too. On his facebook he did one of those Super Poke things and "cuddled up with me (and only me)" which I thought was sweet. Tuesday I am off for Veteran's Day (have to love those bank holidays!) and I suggested since he's not working that we go for a hike and I'll make a picnic lunch. That way we do something physical which is good and cheap which is also good. I hope he finds a job quickly because I know it sucks to be unemployed and especially in this economy.
Oh, and I saw a 2nd plastic surgeon on Friday, she also doesn't do the type I want so she's referring me to someone she said was very good. Hopefully I'll get that authorization within a week or two so I can go in and see him. I really want to try to get the surgery done by the end of this year so I don't have to worry about my insurance and all that as I may also not have a job soon after the new year, sigh... Keep your fingers crossed I get the auth quickly and that this guy works out!

Happy days are here again...

2008-11-07T00:01:00.000-08:00

I've had a smile on my face most of the time for the last few days. And it's because there's hope again with Obama being our president elect. Hope for a better economy, for more oportunity for all Americans, not just a select few, for prosperity and happiness. Not that I expect poor Obama to give us all that but I just feel like that we are on a better path. Hope is wonderful :)

On another topic, I had a date tonight with my friend and this time the sex part was not a problem, yee hah! We both had a lot of fun at dinner, watched Earl and the Office and 30 Rock and then messed around. He's a nice guy, I like him. We are going to see a UCLA football game on Saturday, I haven't been to a live game in years, it s/b fun, we are tailgating first with his friends and then after having dessert and champagne apparently wether we win or not. I don't really care who wins, I don't follow these things, but since it's his alma mater I hope they win. They are playing the Oregon Beavers so there will be lots of naughty jokes flying I'm sure which will hopefully turn into naughty activities after we get home :)

Elections and erections

2008-11-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

Ah, the election is tomorrow, how exciting is that?! I already voted via absentee ballot and I am going to a friend's to watch the election coverage with some like-minded folks. Some of the important (to me) things I voted for:
Obama for president!! Yay, go Obama!
No on Prop 8!! Get a life people and let other people marry who they wish!
No on Prop 4!! Just cuz you think abortion is wrong or you think you have a good relationship with your daughter so everyone should also have that kind of relationship doesn't make it so. If young women have to get parental permission some of them (hm, like Palin's daughter?) will not get to make the choice themselves.
Yes on Prop 2!! Animals should be able to run free at least some of the time, it's not natural or humane to put them in tiny cages where they can barely move much less run and play!

On to erections! I saw Zack & Miri Make a Porno on Saturday and it was hella funny! It was also quite dirty (in more ways than the obvious), so do not watch it with your kids. But I did laugh a lot and so did my date. Speaking of dates... I am only dating one guy now and we had gotten to the point where things move forward so Saturday after seeing Z & M and then watching Knocked Up at his house, we were messing around. And lemme tell ya, he's a giver, if you know what I mean! I whole heartedly approve of men who not only go downtown but like it there and hang out for a while. He was setting up camp and toasting marshmellows, he liked it so much, yay for me! But then it comes time for other activities and he couldn't sustain an... well you know. This has never happened during a first time for me, it was a bit awkward. It's not that he didn't find me attractive cuz I know he does. In fact we already have plans for Thursday. But what if it keeps happening? Have any of you had this problem with a new guy and if so, how did it work out? I like him a lot and we didn't make too big a deal out of it, but I am a little worried about next time.

Anywho, I am not sick anymore, I had a fun Halloween, was a devil, ate too much candy and watched a scary movie. Hope y'all had a fun one too!

I'm sick

2008-10-29T11:40:00.000-07:00

I have a bad cold, a lot of my co-workers are sick and I think someone must have breathed on me or something, it sucks. But I can't really complain when I was so lucky last year and never got sick even while going thru chemo. Hopefully I can conquer this bug fast, I really am not a good sick person, makes me grumpy.

So I am down to one boy, no more Brian's at all. I really wasn't feeling anything romantic for him, no sparks or chemistry but I was trying to give it a little time because he's such a nice guy. So he emails me Sunday at work (when he clearly knows I'm not here, what's with these boys?) and says he also doesn't feel a romantic spark but hopes we can be friends. Well in his case I think we can because it never got physical and it was mutual though I do wish these men would be more adult and tell me at least over the phone. I am still seeing the other guy, saw him Sunday actually, we played Rock Hero, it was actually a lot of fun, if you haven't played it. I sang and played drums :)

For Halloween I'm going to be a devil and we carved a pumpkin for a competition, it has four ghosts on it which represent the four of us in our dept. I love Halloween, it's my fave holiday. I'm going to my friend Karla's after work to watch scary movies, hand out candy and perhaps have some kind of pagan ritual. Fun times...

PS

2008-10-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

No, not as in postscript, as in plastic surgeon. I met with a Beverly Hills PS yesterday after work. He was fairly nice, most surgeons do not have the best bedside manners, but he was ok. He suggested I get a Tram Flap which would use the flab from my stomach along with some muscle to make a new right boob. It will only make a B size boob though and I am a DD on the left so I'd have to go back at a later date and add in a small implant or have another reduction on the left side to make me approx the same size. For the major surgery I'd be in the hospital about four days and then probably out of work about 4 weeks (although somemone said they were out 6-8, I doubt I would be out that long). I may have the surgery as soon as next month. My ex-MIL already said she'd come take care of me for a few days after I get out of hospital, so that's all set. It's a fairly major surgery since it's really a tummy tuck AND boob reconstruction, I'm a little nervous but I usually heal quickly, I think it s/b ok. I also got to see pics of what the boobs look like after; not really like original boobs, but in clothes I'm sure it looks pretty good. I'll keep y'all posted.

My latest tat

2008-10-17T23:16:00.000-07:00

Here is a pic of my new tat, it's the largest one I have now I think, although not the most intricate.

My back hurts

2008-10-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

Ya know, before BC, a backache was just a backache; pulled muscle, slept wrong, whatever. Now, a backache is possible cancer mets, tumors, etc etc... it sucks. So when I see my oncologist on Monday I have to mention it to him and he may want me to have a PET scan or something which also sucks. Maybe it will stop hurting by then, but it's hurt for around 5 days now. Sigh.

In happier news, my tat is healing nicely, and even the incision where my surgeon took out my portacath is healing up and doesn't really hurt today. Also, I meet with a plastic surgeon next week to discuss reconstruction, I'll keep y'all updated.

I had a date Tuesday with Brian #2, then a date last night with the other guy and tomorrow I am going to Brian's house for a movie day. It will be interesting meeting his friends and seeing how he is around them. I still haven't decided which one I like better and I kind of just want to let things go along slowly and see how it evolves. Last night at dinner I told the other guy about the BC issue and he didn't have a problem with it, so that was a relief.

Ouch

2008-10-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

I'm in pain. I had my chemo port taken out today, it was done in the office with local which has worn off. I have at least 8 stitches I think, and it's hurting now :( I took a vicadin (sp), I hope it kicks in soon...
I had my fourth date with Brian #2 tonight, we went to dinner and then saw How to Lose Friend's and Alienate People, it was fairly funny. I do like that Simon Pegg, if you haven't seen Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead you are missing out on some major comic genius and lots of gratuitous violence.
I have to say, I had a ton of fun with my ex-MIL over the weekend. We shopped, ate, I got a tat, we hung out with my friend Karla and went to an English pub in Santa Monica, went to two bookstores... it was great. I'm really glad to have her back in my life as my friend. My ex may be a fuckwit, but at least he was good for something.
I have a date with the other guy on Thursday, not sure what we are doing. It's nice to have a couple of nice guys to take me to dinner and movies and not expect anything from me in return besides witty conversation and some making out (which is fun anyway). Maybe I'll just do this for a while...

Tuesday & Thursday dates

2008-10-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

My date Tuesday was nice, we went to eat at a new Mexican restaurant in Montrose (I had a ceviche tostado, yummy) and then we watched Say Anything at my house. He'd never seen it even though he says he's a John Cusack fan. Of course he thought it was awesome because it is and Cusack is awesome in it. And of course there was a little making out going on but not much because... well, I'm not sure I feel any spark. It's clear he does, but I am not getting the butterflies in the stomach thing. Ah well.
Tonight I have a date with the other guy (not one of the Brian's), we are having sushi in Tujunga and then??? I am wondering if he suggested a place in Tujunga because he wants the option of going to my place after dinner. I have no problem with that except; 1. he doesn't know about the one boobedness yet and 2. not sure about chemistry with this one either. I guess I'll play it by ear.
In other news, my ex- mother in law is coming to visit me for the long weekend tomorrow. I took the day off and I have Monday off anyway for Columbus day, so we are hanging out all weekend. I have no idea what we are doing, I need a pedicure so I'm going to suggest that, but otherwise it's all up in the air. We've become really good friend's again since the BC diagnosis and I think it will be a fun weekend.

I'm tired

2008-10-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

Four dates in one week is a little much, especially a marathon date like yesterdays. Brian #2 picked me up at 4 pm and I got home a little after 2 am. We did have fun tho, went to eat then to an outdoor music fest in Eagle Rock that I never knew about, then to karaoke (he sang three times and I sang once as back up on Love Shack). He knew a lot of the peeps there, apparently has been going there for a long time, so everyone was really nice. it really was a fun time, I think it's going well. Already this week I have a date with him on Tuesday and then with guy #3 on Thursday. I'm going to have seen all the movies in the theatre, I swear. I've decided not to get serious about either of them and just date for a bit and have some fun letting them take me out. The only bad thing is that Brian #2 asked me to add him as a friend on Facebook and I post about my dating adventures on there so now I have to be a little more circumspect. Anyway, besides cooking today and going for a walk all I've done is read and play around online, I needed a decompression day. Happy Sunday everyone!

Weekend festivities

2008-10-02T21:30:00.000-07:00

So I think we all agreed that Brian #2 won the first dating challenge, hands down really. Tomorrow I am going out with a guy I went on a couple of dates with right around the time I started dating "the guy", he's nice, not sure there's really a spark, but what the hell. We are going to see Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist, s/b nice, juvenile fun. Then Saturday I am going out w/Brian #2, we are actually going out early, around 4, getting something to eat and then who knows. So I'll keep you all updated on how that goes. I honestly don't know why I can't find a really decent guy; is it LA, is it that I don't know where to meet them... I try to get friends to set me up but no one knows anyone single they'd want to have me date either. It sucks quite frankly but I'm going to keep trying because I really want to meet someone. I'm not desperate and I'm quite happy on my own, I just want that special someone to add to my great life. Why does it have to be so hard?

Which Brian would you choose?

2008-10-01T08:43:00.001-07:00

So I think I mentioned both guys were named Brian, which was very helpful, didn't have to worry about calling one the wrong name. And yes, there was a clear winner, but I'll let you be the judge:

Monday night, Pasadena- meet Brian #1 outside his work place, he's ok looking, kind of short and wimpy looking, but whatever. He seems like he doesn't recognize me which is weird because I have lots of pics on my profile, including some recent ones with blonde hair. Tells me he thought I had long dark hair, I say no, it's been short and blonde for a while. I park and we walk to Barney's Beanery, I order a vodka tonic, he orders orange juice (OJ, really?), then I order a quesadilla, he orders soup and sandwich (chicken noodle & roast beef, geeze he's white). Convo is eh; I'm asking most of the questions, he's watching the game, and honestly, am I interested, not so much, but I always figure, make the best of it. About an hour in, we've finished eating, so we go, he doesn't suggest doing anything else, walks me back to my car, hugs me and kisses me on the cheek, ta da, done. I get home, go online, and see I have an email from him, subject is Wow. And it says, "you don't look anything like your pictures, I think it's a little misleading, you should have some recent ones posted, not that you aren't attractive, you are, but still, blah blah blah". So I email back "I do have some pics (and I attach one) with my current hair, and btw, the only thing different is the hair, my weight and face are exactly the same." So then he says, oh, I didn't realize that was you in the pic (it's me and two girlfriends), I thought you were the one in the middle (she's 15 years younger, but also mixed race). And I say well, that's why IT'S CAPTIONED (idiot) and there's no response (obviously realizes he's an idiot). And that was date #1.

Tuesday night, my place- Brian #2 picks me up, comes to the door, gives me a hug, we go down to his car, he opens the door for me and shuts it. He's not sure how to get from my place to Burbank so I am the navigator, we chat all the way into Burbank and go to a Mexican restaurant he knows. Parks, tells me, wait, I'll get your door, comes around and opens it and we go into the restaurant. We order drinks (diet coke for him, iced tea for me), then he asks what I want for an appetizer, we order a quesadilla. When he takes the first bite, it's too hot, he has to wash it down with some water, that goes down the wrong pipe, snot comes out of his nose, it's a beautiful scene. But, luckily I'm not easily grossed out, he's appologizing profusely, I'm like, no worries, stuff happens. Dinner goes much better than it started, we both get salads, neither of us can finish our food, just way too big of portions. Then we drive into downtown Burbank (gets my door for me again), go to shoot some pool, he asks in the car if it's ok to kiss me, I'm like, eh, why not so I say sure, he's an ok kisser but could use some pointers, he thinks I'm GREAT at it which I am ;). He sucks at pool and doesn't know the rules, I am a little less sucky but lose the first game to him because I do know and abide by the rules, but win the second game. Then he drives me home, walks me to my door, I let him come in for a minute to meet Monkee who seems to like him, we kiss a little more and makes plans for a second date Saturday then off he goes. First thing this morning at work there's an email thanking me for last night and saying he can't wait till Sat.

So, which date would y'all say went better, #1 or #2? :p

Dating again

2008-09-29T11:11:00.000-07:00

Well, the dating machine is ramping up; I have a date tonight and one tomorrow night, both named Brian which is funny. In a way it's good, easier because I don't have to keep their names straight. I also met a guy at a pub in Santa Monica on Saturday; nice guy, 40, bought my girlfriend and I a couple of pints of cider and we exchanged numbers. I noticed he got pretty lit Sat and then he called me yesterday but didn't leave a message. So I called him back and very quickly realized he was drunk as a skunk. Yup, so two days in a row he gets drunk... I don't think so. Ah well, it's good to realize that sooner rather than later. Hopefully one of the dates this week will go well, I'll keep ya all updated. Dating in your 40's- what a crazy adventure :)

And so it goes...

2008-09-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I am single for sure again and although it wasn't as bad as Carrie Bradshaw getting broken up with via post-it, it was close; email. I think that's the bad thing about internet dating; men think it's perfectly ok to do everything via email, including breaking up, even if you've been dating for a fairly long period of time. It's like they think etiquette is a thing of the past, replaced by netiquette, a hybrid that allows such faux pas as this. Be that as it may, all is well, I am not devastated nor do I wish him ill, we are just in different places and I need to find someone who is in the same place I am, ie. wants an exclusive, monogamous adult relationship. C'est la vie.

Weekend

2008-09-22T11:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it we're always so tired after the weekend? Maybe it's just that we know we have to go back to work. Maybe it's getting up early after not having to for two days. Maybe we just do too much in the two days off that we couldn't get done during the week. Anyway, I'm tired today, but I kinda know why. I ran around all weekend, barely sat still and then last night I saw Burn After Reading and didn't get home till 11:00. I get up at 6 so that's pretty late for me. But it was a good weekend, Friday I went to happy hour, Saturday I went to Long Beach and had crepes for brunch with my friend Jen and her new live in boyfriend Oliver, then went to the beach and layed out for an hour. Sat night I saw my friend Brendan's band play in my hood with my friend Arlene. Sunday I had lunch with my friend Shannon, did some shopping, went home and made smoothies for breakfast for my dept for today (yummy and healthy btw) then went to the movie at 8:00 with the guy. Ah, the guy. So what's up with that you might ask. And I'd have to tell you I still don't know. Yep, nothing is decided yet, but we have been discussing and who knows, maybe it will all work out. And even if it doesn't, that's still ok, and I've definitely learned some things from this experience, so that's a good thing. I found out that he has this idea in his head that if we are exclusive it's automatically this big relationship; introducing the kids, meeting families, all that crap. So I told him that perhaps he could change his definition of exclusive to simply dating one person, no one owns anyone else, we don't have to go on family vacations, god knows I don't want to subject him to my family at this point. He seemed really surprised by the idea that we could date exclusively without it being this big thing, just taking it one step at a time. Of course he's a guy so I had to spell it out plus I think he has dated a lot of 30 year olds since his divorce who are looking to get married and pop out a kid and that's not me, thank you very much. He is the type who takes some time to process everything so of course he needs to think it over this week. I asked him if it was something he wanted to explore and he said "of course, I love spending time with you and I really like you". He knows I will not see him if he continues seeing other women, I made that very clear this time, but even if we stop dating I think we can stay friends. He's supposed to call this week and I am not calling or emailing in the meantime plus I have a date tonight with someone else. I'd like to just see him but I can't assume anything so emotionally I have moved on a bit. He is a good guy I think, unless he's totally BSing me which is somewhat possible, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I'm copying Emma too, cuz she's so kool

2008-09-19T11:49:00.000-07:00

Ten Things That I Am:

1. Opinionated

2. Impatient

3. Empathetic

4. Loyal

5. Stubborn

6. Outspoken

7. Energetic

8. Friendly

9. Truthful

10. Couragous

Ten Things That I am Not:

1. Dishonest

2. Boring

3. Mysterious

4. Thoughtless

5. Foolish

6. Easy going

7. Religious

8. Obedient

9. Uninterested

10. Perfect

Surgeon's visit

2008-09-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

Well I just saw my surgeon yesterday for my one year check up and I am currently NED (no evidence of disease for all you lay people) :) I am going to have my chemo port out next month since everything looks good and I am going to ask my regular doc for a referral to a plastic surgeon to talk about reconstruction. I will probably opt for what is called a Tram Flap or similar. Basically they take fat and other tissue from your stomach to make a new boob. So, not only do you get a new boob, you also get a tummy tuck. How awesome; two boobs and a flat stomach! Yay!

Tonight

2008-09-12T14:34:00.000-07:00

I am seeing the guy tonight, he's had a week to decide if he wants to keep seeing me (just me) or if he still wants to date others in which case I'm not going to see him anymore. In the meantime, he emailed me Monday morning at 9 after leaving my house around 7:45 to say he could see me Friday (today). Then he called me yesterday at 8 am (he's usually not even up that early) to finalize plans and called again a little while ago to decide exactly what we are doing. We are hanging out at his house but he asked me "what do you want to do, see a movie, watch Bill Maher, whatever you want to do". I told him we could just watch tv and hang out, that was fine. He said he'll p/u some snacks on his way home for us. My friend's at work think he's going to tell me he wants to just see me. I kind of think the same thing but realize he could still say he isn't ready for that. Either way I'm fine, because I know what I want and that I am not going to settle for less than that. Part of me almost wants the easy way out, which would be him telling me he wants to see other women because then the decision is made for me. If he says he is willing to see just me, part of me will be wondering if he's telling the truth and if I can trust him. Trust is a big deal with me and something I have trouble with. If I find out he's lied later on it's going to really devastate me and I don't want to go thru that. On the other hand, if I don't even take a chance, and just give in to my fear, then I haven't grown and I really want to learn to trust again. So I'm probably going to give it a chance if that's what he wants to do, but of course I'll probably be nauseous for days...

If you say you are going to do something

2008-09-06T08:37:00.000-07:00

Then just fucking do it. Because if you don't then I just think you are a liar I don't fucking like liars or want them in my life. Fuck.

Btw...

2008-09-04T14:13:00.001-07:00

Regarding LA Ink, I have a friend at work who has a friend who works for LA Ink; apparently casting is pitching my story tomorrow. She's going to call my friend after the meeting and he'll let me know what the verdict was. So I should have more info sometime tomorrow! :) Keep your fingers crossed they pick me!

Sigh...

2008-09-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

Why can't things ever go the way you think they are going to go? I know that in the scheme of things this is small, esp considering the whole cancer thing, but still. I was told that he was "all mine" this weekend. Then I get an email yesterday from him, still in AZ on tour, and he says a bunch of crap has come up and he can't see me till Sunday. I haven't seen him since a week ago yesterday and now I get to see him on Sunday. What the hell? Normally I would have just thought, that's it, I'm done, this is BS. I usually don't give men more than two chances and there's already been other stuff, so I would have cut and run. But this time I decided to handle it differently and I called him. When he called me back I told him I didn't want to be demanding and I didn't want to bug him while he's in AZ but that we seem to be seeing less and less of each other and while I did tell him I was low maintenance I am not "no maintenance". He said the side job he's doing piled a bunch of stuff on him that he needs to get done and since he won't be back in town till Friday evening he has to do it this weekend. He also said he really wants to keep this job, which I understand, it's just hard because with that job, plus the tour, plus the kids, there's lots of times we can't see eachother. He said he'd come over on Sunday and spend the whole day with me, we could do whatever I want, he'd stay the night if I want, etc, etc... He did tell me he's glad I told him what I was feeling rather than getting mad and keeping it to myself and then blowing up next time something happened. He said his marriage ended because they didn't communicate. He also told me that I wasn't demanding, I am low maintenance, that I was everything I said I was. Sigh... I can't be mad but this whole relationship thing is SO complicated, especially when we are both older, divorced, kids involved, baggage up the wazzoo. I'm really trying to make it work and not fall into old patterns or habits, but it is difficult. Can anyone suggest something to help me not make myself crazy?

Baby I'm back...

2008-08-31T14:55:00.000-07:00

I was in my hometown of Santa Maria for a couple of days, for a couple of reasons. One, my mom's 73rd b-day was yesterday. Two, I needed to get my roots done since I am currently platinum blonde. And three, I wanted to hang out with my friend Natalie (aka my hairdresser). And it was a pretty good weekend, my hair looks fly, very Madonna circa the Blonde Ambition Tour era. My mom really enjoyed her day and I got to visit with my ex-MIL, who is now a good friend. She's coming to LA to visit me in October and we may go see Wicked even though I've seen it twice, it's that good. My drive back down the coast today was very nice, not a lot of traffic; the only bummer part is I was hoping to see my guy friend as he's leaving for AZ for a week but he was too stressed with getting stuff done before he goes. However, he gets a little leeway because of a little incident the other evening. It went something like this...
My one year BC free anniversary, as previously stated, was Wednesday, Aug 27th. That same night I had plans to go see my guy friend do standup in West Hollywood and I also mentioned about it being my anniversary, mostly because I had forgotten and thought that was funny. So at the show he's MCing and also doing some of his own material. Around the second time he went up to introduce the next act he starts his act by asking if anyone in the audience had ever had cancer. I put my hand up (I'm very participatory) and I'm the only one, sweet, I feel so special. So he goes on to tell a story about his dad getting cancer and beating it, but while beating it being very sick and how his aunt gave his dad pot to help him and he never stopped smoking it. Funny story. So after telling about his family he says "I have a friend in the audience, it's her one year anniversary for beating cancer, let's all congratulate her" and everyone turns to stare at me, so I do the Rosebowl Float Queen wave at them all. Now wasn't that just too nice? Whatta guy. So yeah, he has some credits with me, plus next weekend he will be back, no kids, and when I asked him about it, he said he was "completely free" that weekend, and then I said "well not completely, right?" and he said "no, I'm all yours". What a good answer :)
Oh, and I may be going on LA Ink, if any of y'all watch that, to get my next tat. If you'd like to be kept in the loop let me know and I'll tell ya when it airs!

How fast does a year go by?

2008-08-28T08:42:00.000-07:00

Wow, yesterday was my one year anniversary for BC diagnosis. I totally forgot until someone congratulated me on making it to one year. I can't believe it went by that fast. I actually consider the date of surgery to be my one year for being cancer free which will be Sunday, Aug 31. Now if I can just make two years without a recurrence, I'll be doing good!

Crazy, crazy for feeling so...

2008-08-23T20:40:00.000-07:00

Nuts. I realize that I really have no idea how to have an adult relationship. My ex cheating on me and leaving me for the hoochie he was cheating with (who he's now also left for a 20 year old) really messed me up. I have trust issues, abandonment issues, who know what other kinds of issues. How'm I supposed to have any kind of healthy relationship? I don't know how to make the voices in my head stop f'ing me up. I really want to make this current one work, but whenever I don't hear from him for a day or so I assume something is wrong. Then I start to sabotage the relationship. I'm either going to bug the crap out of him and drive him away or I'm going to end it because I'm stressing myself out too much. And so it goes, this endless cycle... how the hell do I get off this ride, it's not fun anymore. I should probably see a therapist but I doubt I'll do that. I need to figure out a way to heal myself. Today I went walking twice, did a total of 4 miles, just to clear my head and get rid of some of my nervous energy. I really do not know what to do, I'm afraid I'm going to keep messing up any semi-decent prospects because I just can't chill the hell out. ARGH!!!

Boys...

2008-08-20T15:14:00.001-07:00

Honestly, is there one who will give you a straight answer to a question? I mean, it's not that hard is it, honesty? Do they have to be evasive and vague, is it something in the genes? And if, for instance, I go over to a boy's house and his daughter answers the phone when I call to say I'm there and hangs up on me three times, then finally gets him for me, and I'm still nice as pie to her but somehow he decides the whole me meeting her at that time (which was totally his fault for not calling me and telling me to come later than we'd planned) made him uncomfortable (him uncomfortable? how'd he feel if I told him about the hanging up on me and telling me he wasn't there which I didn't tell him), how is it my fault he was uncomfortable? It's his own fault we met, not hers or mine. Seriously, men make me insane and if I wasn't so zen and centered now I'd smack him upside his head. When I go to his show next Wednesday, if he doesn't introduce me to his best friend (who I know will be there) correctly, I'm done. I don't need a friend with benefits, I've had that and I'm not settling for less than I want anymore. Life is too short and I want someone who wants to be with me, just me, because I am more than enough dammit.

Dating news

2008-08-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

So the last guy I blogged about dating already went bye-bye, I swear I go thru guys like someone with alergies goes thru kleenex. However, I'm dating a new guy, we've already gone out 5 times (whoo hoo!) and I actually really like him. I'm trying hard not to F it up, I've been known to sabotage relationships in the past...
So, pros and cons- he's in the entertainment biz (if I gave his name you could actually look him up on IMDB.com and he'd come up), this is a con, I don't usually date industry men. He's kind of chunky, not really a con except it could encourage me to not eat as healthy as normal if I'm around someone not eating healthy. He doesn't dress very well and I'm rediculously into clothes. But on the pro side, he's smart, has a really good sense of humor, likes lots of different movies and music, good kisser and good in bed, yay! Yes, that's right folks, finally had sex after more than a year, first time since the BC diagnosis! And it was at least as much fun as I remember! Oh yeah, plus, he is a huge boost to my ego, tells me how sexy I am (even with one boob!), how I'm the thinnest girl he's ever been with (WHAT? in Los Angeles, where I am barely average? how cool is that?), that I'm beautiful, etc. So obviously the pros hugely outweigh the cons. He's coming over this weekend to my hood, I may even cook for him (gasp!). Please keep your fingers crossed that I don't get all crazy and mess things up.

Boys and stuff

2008-07-12T01:13:00.000-07:00

so I've gone on two dates with this new guy I met online. I really had planned on not dating anymore online guys because it just doesn't seem to work out for me but then again, the best laid plans...
he's Iranian and I have pretty much always said I would not date a middle eastern guy, not because I'm prejudiced or don't find them attractive but because of the cultural differences. The truth is, I am quite difficult, opinionated, and sometimes quite bitchy and I don't take any crap. and I know that *most* middle eastern men like their women more submissive than I could ever be so I didn't think it would work therefore, what's the point. but this guy seems ok with my sassyness, he's quite sassy himself. there are some quirks though and I'm not sure it's going anywhere in the long run but it's definitely interesting. tonight we went to dinner and a movie and he's really gentlemanly; opening car doors, having me walk in front of him. I think we are going to a shooting range next week (my fault because I told him I own guns and like to shoot), now that s/b interesting!

House buying

2008-06-28T00:45:00.000-07:00

so looks like I will be buying a house soon, I was pre-approved for a loan today and I've been looking for a couple of weeks. the hard part is that even with prices having fallen quite a bit, where I'd like to buy I'd really only be able to get a condo/townhom and I really want a SFR. I am going to meet one of my realtors on Sunday in Whittier; this is not my first choice of town but as long as it's safe and not too far from work I can deal. and I think I can get a cute 2 bedroom there for under $250k. ah, what a scary, exciting new adventure!

Vegas

2008-06-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

Went to Vegas last weekend, it was fun, hot but not too hot. I had a great massage on Saturday at Planet Hollywood, then went to Tiffany's and bought a bracelet (mostly) with giftcards from my co-workers. I love the Bellagio (where Tiffany's is), it's so beautiful. Then we gambled a bit and that night we went to Risque at Paris. My friend Jen didn't think I could get us in for free... she was wrong :). The only bad part was driving back on Sunday, traffic sucked but oh well, what can you do. This coming weekend I am going home to Santa Maria and going out with my crazy friend Natalie, yay!

It's been a long time comin'

2008-05-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have not blogged in a very long time. Anyway, pretty much all my friends know what's been going on with me, so I won't belabor the point here. But hopefully things are getting better and now that I am done with BC treatment I went out to Dimples in Burbank to celebrate. Here's a picture of my friend Jen and me:

I'm liking the blonde faux-hawk thing, I'd keep it longer but I have let it grow out and cover a tat on my neck for work.

I'm also going to Napa in July and Tahoe in Sept and I'll post some pics of those trips too. I'm intent on this year being a much better year than 2007!

Long time no post...

2007-06-19T10:00:00.000-07:00

So, it's been like FOREVER since I've blogged, I'm not sure why, I was very into it for a while but lately I just don't seem to find the time or the impetus to actually do it.

Anyway, most who read this know what's been up with me anyway, I went to Italy not long ago, I've been having boob issues, etc.

Well, as for Italy, it was truly lovely there (Tuscany anyway). Milan was a nightmare to drive in. We flew into Malpensa and it only took about a half hour to get to the outskirts of Milan, but then, guess how long it took us to find our hotel? Hmm... like 4 hours. No, really, I'm not kidding, it was insane. We were so frustrated and tired and sweaty (no A/C in the car) and I had to do all the driving because it was a manual transmission, ugh.

But we were only in Milan one night and then we drove to Lucca, the drive once out of the city was really nice, although they really do drive incredibly fast there, I was going 150 km/hour and people were passing me like I was sitting still.

Some highlights from Tuscany- the wine, even out of a grocery store, is really inexpensive and REALLY good, we never had a bad bottle. Cooking for ourselves most of the time was great, we like to cook and it was easy to make yummy stuff, lots of fresh veggies and fruits. Horseback riding outside Lucca was beautiful, I loved it. This great little jewelry store run by a cute little Italian guy, Georgio, he was so nice and we all exchanged info, really nice people in general there in Lucca. Probably the BEST thing about Italy though is the GELATO!!! Yum, yummy, yum yum. We ate it literally everyday, sometimes twice, my favorite flavors are limone, fragola, fruti di bocso, really anything tart and fruit flavored. So good... sigh.

I will try to post some pictures for y'all soon!

Words I learned in Italia- prego, grazie, semaphoro (sp), rotunda, fragola, fruti di bosco (sp).

Next door neighbors

2007-02-01T14:39:00.000-08:00

so i have new next door neighbors and two nights now (not in a row thankfully but still) i have been kept awake by one of them snoring. snoring so loud i can hear it thru the wall. and not just thru the wall but thru the wall and my earplugs which i hate wearing because they bug me and keep me from sleeping which sort of defeats the purpose one would think and also with my stereo on. how is it possible to snore that loudly? seriously, so now i have a dilemna... do i say something and ask them to possibly move their bed away from the shared wall or do i lose sleep ocassionaly? i'd really prefer not to lose sleep as i sleep so crapily anyway but saying something seems rude of course i normally have no problem being outspoken, even rude but still, i haven't even actually met them. any suggestions?
on a happier note i am going on a first date tonight with a guy i met online (i sort of vowed not to do the online thing anymore but i wasn't looking, it just kind of happened and he seems nice...) anyway, meeting at louisa's in pasadena after work tonight, keep your collective fingers crossed that he's not a freak/creep/psycho killer/ignoramous :-/

Wow

2007-01-25T12:15:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I posted. I have not been in the mood and haven't really had the time anyway. It's not like nothing's been going on, stuff has, just haven't felt like sharing I guess.
Anyway, I had my 20 year HS reunion last weekend, we thought we wouldn't get enough people to have it but in the end my lame-o classmates finally started RSVPing and we had 120 or so show up. It was actually a lot of fun and we are going to start planning the 25th this summer. I saw people I had not seen since graduation or shortly thereafter. I got nice and buzzed and didn't have to pay for one drink since people kept buying them for me. It was enjoyable.
The Eugene thing... well, it seems like most jobs there just don't pay very much money, not compared to LA and although it's cheaper to live there it's not THAT much cheaper, I don't want to be in a comparable situation, I want to be in a better situatin (finance wise) so I'm not sure it's going to work. Now I'm thinking of either looking here for a condo or something or moving back east or maybe moving to Italy (I'm going there for vacation in May).
I am going to Vegas tomorrow with my friend who moved to AZ and another friend from LA, we are all flying in and staying until Sunday, I'm going to do a little gambling but not much, maybe a little shopping and just hang out with my friends. Yay.
That's really it, my family is having drama as usual, whatever, I have no love life to speak of, I joined a book club, we are reading something by Michael Connelly, Angels Flight, so far it's ok but not the kind of thing I'd normally read.
TTFN.

Peace on earth and all that crap

2006-12-22T12:32:00.000-08:00

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope for everyone that they get their fondest wish for Christmas and that everyone dear to them is happy and healthy this holiday season.
I will be going home to visit my mom Sunday morning returning Christmas evening and back to work on Tuesday. I am going out with my very good friend Natalie and her sister Adrianna Sunday night and I am totally looking forward to it. Natalie is freakin funny as hell and her sister is nuts, it's going to be a good time. Hopefully things are as mellow with my family as they were for Thanksgiving; if so, that's all I could really ask for.
It does not look like I am moving to Eugene in the near future so in the meantime I am looking into possibly buying a condo here in LA, we shall see how that goes. The market is still rediculous, but a little less insane for condos than for houses.
Really that's all that's going on with me, peace out my homies.

Sorry

2006-12-15T12:57:00.000-08:00

I really have nothing much to say at present except that everyone around me is sick and keeps germing me up and I feel a scratchyness in my throat today that wasn't there yesterday so I got Jamba Juice for breaky this am with immunity boost and took my vitamins but still feel the not quite right feeling. If I get sick I'm going to be very unhappy because I only have 8 hours of PTO left for the rest of this year and I don't want to use it for a sick day and also I have way too much training to do before the end of the year to call out anyway. Why don't people stay home when they are sick so they don't infect the rest of us? Dammit.

Oh, I'm off to see the wizard...

2006-11-29T09:40:00.000-08:00

not really the wizard. I suppose you knew that anyway. but I am going back to Eugene on Sunday, testing Monday and hopefully interviewing on Tuesday. I generally test well, so I'm not really too worried about that. I hope I do really awesome in the interview though. sometimes I come across as a bit... much, I have a lot of personality, at least that's a nice way of saying it. so everyone think good thoughts and keep your fingers crossed for me!

Thanks for giving

2006-11-24T15:30:00.000-08:00

and all that happy crappy
but really, Thanksgiving at my mom's house yesterday was surprisingly painless and far less dysfunctional than usual. I got there early enough that my mom was surprised by my punctuality. I got up that morning at 7:30 am, just so I could be there before noon and bring a ray of sunshine into my mom's existence (or at least not annoy her by being what she considers late). My niece was there and for those of you who read my blog you may remember last year when all the crap hit the fan with her, I was supposed to have her come live with me, she ran away after I went thru a bunch of crap to get permission to have her come, went to court, set up her school, etc. I hadn't seen her since then except for once and didn't speak to her that time and she had never apologized to me. So I walked in to find her sitting at the kitchen table and she didn't say anything to me, but then again she's a little afraid of me and probably didn't know if I would be talking to her. So I said hello, she did too and then I talked to my mom for a while. But by the end of the day I had spoken to her a bit more, she finally apologized for her actions (I think my mother suggested she do so which sort of negates it, but whatever). My sister got along with everyone, that was nice, and my weird ass drunk uncle didn't get too drunk and sniff my hair or say anything to piss me off. My mom was in a good mood all day, didn't let any small stuff make her all crazy. All in all it was one of the nicest, most mellow family holiday celebrations in a long time. I thought for sure I'd have to leave halfway thru the day but I stayed from 11-8:30 pm. Talked to my mom today and told her what a nice day it was, she thought so too. After I left there I went to my friend Natalie's, she was at her mom's house and they are all so nice, I love her family. Not that they aren't demented like every other family but they are always so welcoming. And the food there is the bomb, I had pumpkin flan, yummy, and pecan sweet potato pie, also yummy and her brother sells wine so there's always a nice red to try. I intended to stay for about an hour but somehow when I left it was 12:15 am. So I'm flying home down the 101, luckily really no cops out and I got home in 2 hours, 10 minutes (it's 160 miles), went to bed at 2:45 and came into work today at 11. I am very tired and can't wait for the end of the day.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving and that life isn't too hectic or crazy as we head into the end of the year.

My perfect day

2006-11-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about what a perfect day would be for me. I know it's different for everybody but never really considered what I would do, where I'd be or who with if I was to experience a perfectly wonderful day. I think for it to be perfect, it actually would have to start the night before...
I sleep fairly crappy most of the time, so an awesome day would start with me having gone to bed the night before fairly late, midnight or 1:00 am or so and sleeping straight thru, not waking up until at least 8:00 am and not having a backache, headache or neck pain upon waking. Actually feeling rested and not in any kind of pain would be vonderbar.
I'd wake up to Monkee staring into my face from about an inch away like she does sometimes, feeling puffs of breath on my nose and eyes as she tries to figure out if I'm awake. Sometimes she pats me on the face with her paw too, to make me get up.
Then I'd get up, eat something healthy like yogurt and fruit and shower and then I'd leave the house. The weather would be nice; warm but not too hot, nice and clear blue skies. I'd go to the beach, one that wasn't overly crowded and sit and listen to the water and read a book, walk up and down the sand getting my feet wet and look for shells.
Later I'd find a nice casual place to get lunch right on the beach and after I ate I'd do some shopping, not in a mall but in little boutiques and maybe buy myself something cute.
Once it started to get late I'd head home and stop someplace to pick up dinner, something ethnic like Thai or Indian and a bottle of nice red wine like Pinot Noir. I'd also pick up a movie or two, go home, watch my movies, eat my yummy food and drink my wine and cuddle up with Monkee. And last I might take a bubble bath while listening to some classical music or jazz and having another glass of wine. Then read in bed till I was sleepy and that would be the end of my wonderful, perfect day.
And I notice when I write this that I don't have any interaction with anothe human person the whole day... what does that say about me and what makes me happy I wonder?

Too busy!

2006-11-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

Omg, I've just been too busy to blog or do much of anything. I was so anti-social I didnt' even leave the house at all on Sunday, never even unlocked my door although I did go on my patio mometarily. I've been working overtime every week and with my drive to and from I am spending at least 50 hrs a week just for work purposes. And then trying to help plan my 20th HS reunion for January, somehow I ended up in charge, I have to stop being so bossy, it only gets me more work. Plus I am going back to Eugene Dec. 3rd for job testing and hopefully interviews so I had to book another flight and rent a car, everything is so damn expensive, haven't reserved a hotel yet but they are running kind of high right now... sigh
So keep fingers crossed that I don't have a brain fart and I do well on the test so they grant me an interview. Really I'm hoping to line up several since I will be there Monday thru Thursday, might as well not waste all that time. I've applied to be an Employee Benefits Rep, an Event Coordinator for a college, an Asst Textbook Buyer for another college and as a 9-1-1 operator (that's the one I am going for testing for). I'm hoping I get offered at least one position if not more and that they pay enough for me to accept.
As for Eugene, I think it will definitely take some getting used to, coming from a huge city like LA, it's much smaller and not metro at all but it's really beautiful up there, small enough to walk around, the people are nice and welcoming, the air is clean, so is the water, and if I can find a job that pays close to what I make here I can easily buy a house. My first day in town, I'd been there maybe 5 hours, and I was asked out on a date and had phone numbers for another two guys plus a girl who lives in Portland and offered to show me around that city in case I decided to move there instead. The second night I went on the date with Michael and the day after that I actually went to Portland but mostly to go to Powell's, a HUGE bookstore, there are actually maps of the inside it's so big. Then my last full day there I walked around the whole town, just walked all day, stopped in different shops and to eat and take pictures, but other than that just walked. Then I went back to my hotel and showered and changed and went back to the bar/restaurant I met everyone at and Michael called while I was there and asked if it was ok if he came down, so he did and I hung out with him and the other guys all night, the owner put me on his tab, I didn't have to buy one drink, it was great. And then the next day I flew out. I have been single except for very short relationships here in LA for 8 years but I have a feeling I wouldn't be single there for very long unless I really wanted to be. So I think I'm going to try it, I mean, hell, life is so short, it's just flying by, I'm going to be 40 in a year and a half and I want to own a house and I want a slower pace of life and better quality of life. Everyone think good thoughts for my interview(s) and all that and I'll keep y'all updated.
Oh yeah, one bad thing, my grandmother died while I was in Eugene, it was not unexpected as she was 95 and had Alzheimers, but still, and the weird thing is I haven't cried at all, not sure why, but anyway, my uncle had her cremated and I think we are going to scatter her ashes as a family, maybe I'll cry then...

Eugene, OR

2006-10-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

wouldn't it be kind of cool to live in a place that has almost the same name as I have and does have the same name as my dad? I think so too. I will give a rundown of my weekend in Eugene later but I did have a good time, the people are really friendly and nice (and probably a little stoned but whatever) and it was very pretty up there. Could I live there? not sure at this point but I will probably go back up in winter to see how I like it then. More later...

Chaos

2006-10-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

not sure if that really sums it up but close enough I guess. haven't blogged for a while because I really haven't had time and also wasn't sure what to blog about since everything is always in upheaval it seems. anyway
so the guy I was seeing (notice the past tense), yes, that went up in smoke but I have to say this time I think it was mostly (like 95%) him. I didn't do or say anything incredibly insane or demented, i didn't let my normal issues get in the way of me dating and getting to know him. but like Blu said, things don't always end up well and I wasn't going to get my heart involved until I knew whether or not it was a good idea. so we had a date set for a Friday and that week he went to a concert with a "friend" from work. I didn't ask if it was a guy or girl friend because I didnt' care, I figured I could trust him or I'd find out I couldn't but I'm not the jealous type. and then after the concert I noticed his behavior wasn't quite normal. he didn't email as often and they weren't as playful and affectionate and he didn't call each night like normal. and when I asked what we were doing on Friday he said we'd discuss it later. but I thought, I'm not going to get all crazy paranoid as I might normally do so I didn't. and then Thursday night we were talking on the phone and he was like, there's something we need to talk about. and he told me he had sort of met someone else (concert girl) and felt like they had this connection, very intimate, that he hadn't felt with me but he was confused (WTF is wrong with men, why are they so easily confused, can anyone answer me that?) becasue with me he felt so happy and peaceful and he hadn't felt that with anyone in a long time, blah blah blah. so I'm listening thinking, there ya go, it never fails, and he asks if I'm mad or upset and I say no, I'm neither, I guess you'll just need to figure out what you are doing and let me know when you do. I was going out of town that Sunday so it would give him time to figure that out. but I told him if he'd slept with her to not bother calling me again, because homey don't play that. he said he hadn't and we basically signed off. but I mean, how do you let yourself trust and get close to someone when things like this happen for no discernable reason? his thing was that because he felt like we hadn't had one of those deep, meaningful, intimate conversations he was lacking something. so I told him (when we spoke again, after he text messaged me) that maybe it would have been better if he had told me he felt that was lacking so I could have told him that I don't just open up to someone that quickly, it takes me time to trust people with the real me, but of course by him going out with someone else all that did was make me trust him less and who knows when I'd feel comfortable opening up to him? seriously, why don't people talk to each other and tell them if something is wrong instead of doing something stupid? so we did see eachother once more for coffee and talked and we both said we'd try dating, knowing he was also going to be dating her but I told him again that if he got to the point of having sex with either of us he'd have to make a choice and he agreed to that but the whole time I'm thinking, if me letting him in was a huge thing to him it's going to take who knows how long now, I just really didn't think it was going to work. and then he was supposed to call me a few days later and didn't and I of course did not call him so that ended up being that. and all because instead of being honest with me he decided to go out with someone else. then when I have trust issues people wonder why? seriously?
I am going to Eugene OR tomorrow for five days, a very mellow 5 day weekend by myself to see if I like the town and area and what the job market looks like and basically just wander around and check it out. I think it will be nice, even just to get away and not have to think about work and (non-existent) love life and everything.
work is insane and stressful and I feel like I am always broke and need to make more money and stop shopping but I don't know how to do that, my boss's 50th birthday was today, we did a big party for her, spent more than $100 total, her anniversary here is next week, bought her a bracelet and earrings for that, also made her a basket for boss's day which was Monday, it's never ending, I swear. I have a baby shower at the end of this month, having dinner tonight with a friend, the trip tomorrow, my friend's birthday on the 29th, Halloween (need a costume and decorations), it's truly never ending.
my dad taught me to shoot a gun when I was 16 years old. he was a marshal at the time and always had guns but he kept them locked in a briefcase, I know we could have gotten into it if we'd really wanted to but we never did, we just knew that they weren't to mess with. so he took me shooting at an indoor range and the first gun I ever shot was a 357 which if you don't know is a hand canon, seriously big and has a really strong recoil. he made me shoot it first with no earplugs because he said if I ever had to shoot it for real he didn't want me to be so startled by how loud it was that I missed. and Jesus, it was freakin loud, my ears were ringing like crazy. but then we shot targets for a while and I did really well, some almost bulleyes and since then I've shot pretty much everything you can think of; shot guns, rifles, all types of hand guns. I'm not afraid of guns at all and actually taught my friend Jen how to shoot my 9mm this year. I also don't think they are toys, I respect what they can do and understand how to clean them and take care of them and that's all thanks to my dad. not only did he teach me to drive, shine my shoes and iron but he taught me how to handle firearms. thanks Dad.

Family

2006-09-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

when I was in town a few weeks ago for my HS reunion meeting I of course went by to see my mom, but the actual purpose of my going home was the meeting and I was only there for the day. my uncles birthday happened to be around that time so I told my mom I'd bring his card and gift with me and I figured he'd come by sometime that day and I'd give it to him. this is the same uncle who was drunk as a skunk the last time I saw him in March for my grandmother's birthday. so I'm on my way there around 10:30 in the morning, I left the LA area around 8:30 but it takes me about 2 1/2 hours to get home. unless I left my house at 7 there's no way I'd be in town before 10 and sorry, but I am not getting up at 6 am on a Saturday. so I'm around Gaviota when my mom calls my cell phone to see where I am. I say, I'm on the 101 around Gaviota, which is still about 30-45 minutes away from Santa Maria. then she tells me, your uncle is here and there's a pause. so I'm like, ok, I don't know what you want me to do about that, I'm like 45 minutes away, I can't be there any quicker, if I could materialize there instantaneously I would do that all the time, but I can't so I don't know why you are calling to tell me that. so I just repeat, I'll be there when I get there, if he's still there, great. I mean, they know I'm coming from 165 miles away, why wouldn't he call before coming over to see if I'm there yet if he wants to see me? so I get there, he's gone home of course, whatever, I'll just leave his card and gift with my mom. so I go to my meeting at 2 and get back at 4 and then I'm going to eat and do an errand for my mom and try to get out of town around 6. and my mom tells me, Uncle Bill wants you to come over to the house, he has some pics to show you of the property in Oregon. and I say, no, I'm not going over there, he should have come over here when I was here if he wanted to see me, it's on the opposite side of town and I don't have time. plus I ask her, is he drinking? and she says yes, he sounded like he was. so I'm like, no way, not going. then the phone rings and I tell her, if that's him, I'm not here. so of course it was him and he's asking if I'm back yet and she tells him no so he asks for my cell number (which I gave him a long time ago) and then of course he calls that but I don't pick up. so I eat my gumbo and then go to do my moms errand and I call him back when I'm at OSH and tell him I can't make it over there that day. I can totally tell he's freakin drunk and let me just say, there's no way in HELL I'm going over there BY MYSELF while he's that drunk and hanging out with him, I mean, if he does something inappropriate I'll have to punch him. so he's like, you should come see your grandma, and I'm thinking, she doesn't even know who I am anymore, come on, and then he's like,it's my birthday and I tell him I don't have time to come by, I have to do something for mom and then leave. then he makes a huge mistake and tries to guilt trip me- it's a very short trip because homey don't play that. I don't do guilt trips, that's crap, he starts to whine, oh, so you have time for your friends when you come to town but not your family, and I interrupt him and say, no, everytime I'm in town I see mom but I don't have time to see everyone I'd like to everytime. and I'm thinking but didn't say, if my friends were drunk I wouldn't go see them either you freakin lush. so he's like, ok, all sullen and quiet and I tell him I'm leaving his card and gift with mom and he can pick it up when he gets a chance and he just says ok. but when I get off the phone I call my mom and tell her what a jackass he is and how if he calls her she'd better stand up for me and tell him what an ass he is because he's her freakin brother and I'm not putting up with his shit, I hate it when family acts like you owe them something or like just because you happen to be related you are supposed to cater to them even if you don't like them or they make you uncomfortable, but I do not believe that, if someone makes me that uncomfortable I avoid them as much as humanly possible and I am going to try to never be alone anyplace with him as long as he lives. family members like him are the reason I've made my friends into my family because they actually get it.

Details...

2006-09-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

since you asked, here ya go.
Taste of Burbank was fun, I went to his place to meet him, hadn't been there before, met the roommate and her cat, always interesting. here's a fun fact: I've never (really, never) met a cat who didn't like me, they all like me, I think they can tell how much I love cats. this one hissed at me. not normal.
anyway, we are on our way over there, he tells me his oldest son (18) is already there with his GF and her family, do I mind if he calls the son when we get there so we can all meet up? I'm thinking, wow, meeting one of the kids, not sure I'm ready to do that but I tell him it's fine. so we get there, walking around, he calls the son, they find us, nice kid, cute couple, girl is like 16, they are just too cute, really. and they are friendly with good manners, always a plus. we spend maybe 10 minutes talking to them and they have to go. so we walk around, eat all different kinds of food and then after I take him for a drink at a new restaurant then back to his place where we have another drink and make out for a bit and then he wants me to go in the bedroom with him (not for that he says, but we all know where that leads) but it's like 10 and I need to go home anyway, so I say I have to get home and he walks me to my car.
Friday, we email at work most of the day, Saturday I know he has his kids but I have this feeling... he calls Saturday afternoon to see what I'm up to which is exactly zip so he asks if I want to come over and watch a movie or something, meet the other two kids, hang out, if I feel comfortable of course. do I feel comfortable, that's the question. I mean, we've been dating two weeks or so, it's kind of soon to meet the kids but he says they've already heard about me from him and from the oldest kid... so I say sure, I'll come over. I go over around 7, they are both out, one at a movie and the daughter at her friend's but we are going to pick them up later. so we have some wine and talk and then we go to pick up the son, he's 13, he and his friend saw Little Miss Sunshine, how two 13 year olds who looke 11 to me got into an R rated movie is beyond me, but anyway, he's a nice kid, shakes my hand when he meets me, starts talking to me right away, just friendly and outgoing. drop off the friend and go to p/u the daughter, she's 16, she also shakes my hand and we all go to get food, they are in the backseat messing around, just being teenagers, they don't seem to mind that I am there and were just being themselves. we ended up watching Anchor Man with the son while the daughter was online and then on the phone, when I left she came out to say goodbye, I think she was going to hug me but I didn't want to impose on her so I shook her hand again as well as the 13 year old's and took off.
I think that went well, I was invited to come over again yesterday but declined since I didn't want to take both their days with their dad. I think things are going well, still haven't done the deed and I'm good with that, I think I'm in an actual relationship and interested in seeing where it goes.
as for him, he's going to be 46 next month (gift ideas?), he works as a recruiter for a large mortgage company (so similar fields), he's been divorced 10 years, has the three kids, was in a three year relationship after the divorce, makes a decent living and is not cheap and seems to like me a lot. so there ya go, so far I haven't f'd it up and he hasn't annoyed me, it's almost a miracle on par with loaves and fishes and such.

Taste of Burbank

2006-09-21T15:19:00.000-07:00

Fifth date tonight and we are going to a taste of Burbank which is, not surprisingly, in Burbank. I am going to go home, straighten my hair (since it is kind of fuzzy today), change out of my knee high black boots, patterned hose and black skirt into jeans and comfy shoes and then meet my friend (?) at his place. Then we will go walk around Burbank and eat stuff and hopefully have alcoholic beverages. Then? I don't know. So far we've kissed and frankly that has been fine with me. I'm not sure I want to take it further than that with him, haven't decided that yet and once you do the deed you can't really go back, can you? I mean, I can't have sex with him and then say, ya know, I think we shouldn't have done that, let's go back to just kissing and holding hands. No, I'd have to break up with him and I do enjoy his company and I like going out with him, it's nice that he's a little older and makes more money than me so he can treat me and I don't feel guilty for letting him so I'm going to wait on the sex I think, don't want to ruin a perfectly good thing and sex just complicates everything anyway...

Third date...

2006-09-13T07:46:00.000-07:00

yes, made it past the second date and we are going to dinner tonight at Kabuki in Pasadena for sushi. this guy is really nice although he's very into PDA (public displays of affection) which am not so much into. the hand holding and all is fine but macking in Pottery Barn is not really my thing. I will probably have to put an end to that kind of thing as it makes me uncomfortable. Other than that, he's actually a nice guy, maybe too nice... I'm trying not to fall back into my usual patterns, just take it one date at a time and give him a chance. we'll see how sucessful I am.
I need to find a new career path, so if anyone has any suggestions... I have a bachelors degree in sociology/criminology, 8+ years experience in the financial industry and over 5 years experience training. there's got to be something interesting to do that wouldn't sap my will to live after 2 years.
I love my cat, I really need to post a pic of her, she's just the funniest critter ever and one of the only beings on earth who gives me more peace than stress. everyone should have a pet/friend/thing to love like Monkee.
that's all.

Day before yesterday

2006-09-06T15:05:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of first dates, many don't get beyond that point. Either I'm not interested or they aren't or they seem to be but don't call or... I hate dating. I feel like Charlotte, I've been doing this since I was 16 (with a 5 year hiatus whilst married), so where the hell is he?
Monday was Labor Day and I was off, three day weekends are the best except you want to go back to work even less afterwards. And that day I had yet another first date, daytime, we were meeting for coffee at Starbucks in Burbank since I had to go to Target anyway. He's 45, can you believe it, old enough to be the dad to some of the guys I've dated. Crazy man. So our quick coffee date turned into a 6 hour coffee/lunch/icecream/walkaroundtown date. Seems like a good start. Our second date is tonight, meeting in Pasadena for happy hour at 5:30. Wish me luck that he doesn't end up being a dumbass and that I don't say something incredibly stupid.

Yesterday

2006-08-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I had a date with a guy I met on MySpace. He's 35, lives in Long Beach (which isnt too far at least) and was willing to drive to my hood since I had to work yesterday and he didn't. The night before we talked on the phone till 2 am so I felt like I kind of knew him so I let him pick me up at home which I don't often do. He has a 1968 Dodge somethingorother, some kind of muscle car, in really nice shape, so we went in that. He got the door for me every time, even closed it since the doors on that thing weigh a ton. Went to eat at a BBQ place and shared each others food. I'm not at all squeamish about that kind of thing but a lot of people are and it was nice to know he wasn't one of them because if a date orders something that looks/smells good I usually want a taste and am not shy about asking for one. He ate some of my mashed potatoes, I ate some of his corn and clam chowder and we both shared the brownie ala mode. Then went to Starbucks where I treated him (well, I got our drinks for free but still, he didn't have to pay) and we sat and talked till around 9:30. Then back to my house to hang out until 12, and I even got a neck and shoulder massage out of the deal. He's actually really nice, good sense of humor, tall, doesn't take things too seriously and not bad looking. I think there will probably be another date which would not be a bad thing. Stay tuned...
I am truly the melting pot being German, Black, Cherokee, French and Irish. My mom is only German and French but my dad was all five of those things. I've always considered myself just me, or mixed or whatever but my dad definitely considered himself Black, period. I'm sure part of that was the time he grew up in where you were even more racially defined than now. Regardless, he sometimes got annoyed with me that I didn't consider myself Black but I'd remind him I also didnt' consider myself white, I was just me. Anyway, in probably the 40s when my dad was working on the railways he ended up in Chicago for a night and decided to go find a bar to hang out in. I'm sure segregation was in place at the time but anyway he ended up at a black bar. So he walks in and goes up to the bar and orders a drink of some sort and then turns to the guy next to him and says "hey nigga, what's up?" or something to that effect and the man turned and looked at my dad and said "you aren't black enough to be calling me nigga" and my dad took his drink and slunk away. I always found it amusing that someone who so clearly identified himself as black was too white to call another brother nigga.
another time on the train my dad was sitting in front of a little girl and her mother and noticed that the child kept looking at his hair. Finally she asked him if she could touch it. The mother was very embarassed and told the girl no but my dad said "of course you can" and let the girl touch his hair. Obviously she'd never touched really curly kinky hair before. She told him "oh, it's so soft" and was all smiles because she got to touch his hair that was so different from her own. My dad felt and I also feel that understanding our differences as people leads us to not be afraid of "others" or distrust or dislike them but to be more accepting and helping a young child know what this different hair felt like and especially that he was so kind to her hopefully put her on a path to be more accepting and not racially intolerant. Too bad as adults we forget that desire to know about others rather than just judging them on the basis of things like skin color or hair texture or all the othre irrelevant things in life.

Isn't it ironic

2006-08-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

I just thought of this and I think it is ironic. Granted, I find a lot of things ironic, such as the fact that many conservative Christians want to ban things like abortion and gay marriage yet the states with the highest percentage of unwed mothers are all in the bible belt. Ironic.
This story is about my dad and is also ironic. He used to violently dislike when members of other religions would come to the house and try to "sell" their particular brand to us. Mormons, Jehovah's Witness's, etc, they all annoyed him equally as they do me in fact. He would tell me he was going to answer the door nude to disuade them from frequenting our house but to my knowledge he never did that. However, one time two of them came to the door and had their pamphlets and jumped right in and asked him "where do you think you're going to go when you die?". so my dad says "I don't know about you, but I'm going to Chicago", which if you knew him was a pretty standard answer to a question like that. of course I thought that was funny as hell but the missionaries were appalled. One asked "is that really where you think you're going?" and my dad said something like "get the hell off my porch!" and slammed the door in their faces. funny stuff. but here's the ironic part: my dad passed away a few years ago and was living in Santa Maria, CA but wanted to be buried at Fort Snelling, MN because he was a veteren of WWII so my mom had his body flown back to MN but on the way there was a stop over. where do you suppose that stop over was??? why yes, it was in Chicago! So for all those zealoty, over religious types who think they know everything and that their way is the only way I say HA! My dad knew where he was going and none of you could have gotten that right, so get the hell off my porch!

Dad

2006-08-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

I was 9 when my mom and dad got remarried and my older brother was 11, almost 12. I also have an older sister from my mother's first marriage who was 20 at the time they remarried. She was living in the house when they got remarried but moved out soon afterwards. When I was older I learned that she had always harbored hopes that our mom and her dad would get remarried at some point. Of course, considering her father is gay, that was most likely never going to happen anyway. However, being the age she was, she understandably felt a little hurt when they got back together. It had just been the four of us for a long time, plus, she was old enough to remember their previous marriage and all the fighting and drunkeness, which neither my brother nor I could. I'm sure she was a little distrustful that things would be different this time around, but my dad really did stop drinking; as long as I knew him he never had another drink his whole life. By the time he passed away my sister considered him her only dad and now regrets not taking his name. I was actually named for my dad, he was almost as bad as George Foreman, naming all his sons after him. My oldest brother (from my dad's first marriage, my family is very convoluted) is 22 years older than I am and is a Junior. Then he named his last born, me, after him too but changed the spelling to the feminine form. For a time my older brother lived with us and it was so confusing when someone would call Gene or Jean, so we had to go by Sr, Jr and Jeannie (which I hate). To this day some family members still call me that and some very old friends, but those are the only ones I allow to use that name. My grandmother calls me Cheannie because of her German accent, it sounds odd but it's cute.
It was weird getting used to having someone else who could tell us what to do, my mom was pretty lenient, as long as we weren't getting maimed or arrested we could do mostly what we wanted, especially in the summer. Curfew was dark, which is like 8:30 in July and August, so we'd be out as late as possible. Dad wasn't quite as lenient as mom and we didn't like having to check in more often and ask permission to sleep at a friend's house. Even though I was the youngest I was also the most independent and liked being able to come and go as I wanted, within reason. My mom would also allow us to bring home almost any kind of critter we wanted, we could keep them overnight and then had to set them free. So we were always bringing home lizards, horned toads, frogs, snakes, etc. My dad hated snakes so all of a sudden we couldn't bring them home anymore and the 4-7 cats we always had around the house became like 2. But it was good having a father around, especially for my brother, he'd only had my two uncles as male role models before that and I think he really needed my dad around. We'd go to the beach and my brother and dad would race up the sand, even though my dad was 56 or so by then it took years before my brother could beat him. My dad also really liked fishing, we'd go to the lake or the pier and then he'd clean and cook whatever we caught. I learned how to clean a fish from him, and although I can't say I've used that skill recently at least if I had to, I'm sure I still could.

My Dad Con't

2006-08-04T11:11:00.000-07:00

Dad was born in 1921, in St Paul, Minnesota. He loved to tell stories about his childhood all the way into adulthood so I actually know a lot about him when he was growing up and what his life was like. His father died when my dad was only 13 or so, of prostate cancer, but his mother lived to be quite old and his grandmother (maternal I think) lived to be 98 or 100 I think. It's kind of funny how some people only consider "white" people to be authentic Americans, or they assume that they've lived in this country longer but in my family it's completely the opposite. On my dad's side I am like 6th generation American while on my mom's I'm only 2nd. My dad's side is truly the melting pot; Black, Cherokee, German, French and Irish. On my mom's side I'm German and French and when my mom married my dad, my grandmother, who came to the US from Germany when she was 18, wasn't thrilled. But my mom didn't care what color my dad was, lucky for me and my brother.
So my dad would tell us stories of when he was a kid and a neighbor asked him if he could kill a chicken and my dad figured, how hard could it be? So he said he could and she offered him a nickle to kill it for her so she could cook it for dinner. And he grabbed the chicken by the neck, like he'd seen people do, and swung it around trying to snap it's neck, but apparently there's more skill required than you'd think and the chicken was just flying thru the air by it's neck making lots of noise. So then he asked the woman for a hatchet to cut it's head off, but all she had was an axe, so he's trying to hold the chicken and manage the axe and basically is just maiming the poor thing but he finally kills it and by then it's so messed up it's useless for eating but hey, he did kill it so the woman still pays him his nickle. I know this is a sad story for the chicken and not PETA or ASPCA approved but keep in mind this was like 70 years ago or something and that chicken was going to be dead anyway, plus, it's still kind of funny.
My dad actually had a lot of different kinds of stories like that, of how much it snowed in the winter and having to walk to school in it (most parents/grandparents have those stories, 10 miles uphill...), he also had a bunch from working on the railroad, started as like a porter I guess, but he got to travel quite a bit, to Chicago and back and other cities too and eventually he ended up a cook on the trains which led to him cooking for most of his life, at home and workwise. In fact when my mom and he met, he was a cook at a restaurant and she got a job there as the hostess and was being a little harassed by another cook and my dad told him to leave her alone or he'd hurt him, aw, so romantic :) But I guessed it worked because she ended up with my dad.

My Dad

2006-08-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

I've decided to do a blog (or blogs) about my dad. I was reading random blogs here in the blogosphere and came across one about this person's grandfather. I think the guy who wrote it was Indian and he wrote about what an impact his grandfather had on him and his life and how the old guy wasn't really understood by the rest of the family, they were all a little afraid of him but how he formed a bond with him, listened to him, learned from his life lessons and example and now that he has passed, how he misses him and their talks. So this won't be like that specifically, but just how I remember my dad who passed away a few years ago and who I still miss and what our relationship was like. I think all families, especially parents and children, have complicated relationships, none are perfect and some are downright horrible. My relationship with my dad was not horrible but at times it was very frustrating, sometimes I didn't like him very much, but I always loved him and I knew he loved me. I think being able to admit that we didn't have a perfect relationship is healthy, even that at times he made me crazy because he was so damn stubborn but then again, perhaps I get that aspect of my personality from him because god knows I am one of the most stubborn people I know.
I actually met my dad when I was 9 years old. I had never seen him in person up to that time, well, at least not that I remembered. My parents divorced when I was 9 months old, I was actually born in Omaha, Nebraska but when my mom left my dad she moved us out here to California where my grandmother and the rest of my mom's family lived. My father was an alcoholic and apparently quite abusive at times to my mom and I guess had started to be abusive to my older brother so my mom left him, which was definitely the right thing to do. When he wasn't drinking he was a wonderful loving person but he drank pretty much all the time by the end of their (first) marriage and so she left him and came here with three fairly young kids. He was not in the picture at all for a long time although I've since found some letters they exchanged while they were apart and I guess he was keeping in touch sporadically and sending money when he could. I had seen a picture of him and mom was sending him school pictures of us and I remember getting a card for my 8th birthday with $5 in it, I used that money to get my ears pierced because my mom wouldn't pay for it. Found out later he wasn't too happy about that, but oh well, it was done and he wasn't here to say yay or nay. Around the time I was 8 my dad entered rehab and it finally took, at that point he'd been drinking for around 20 years I think and the doctor told him if he didn't quit he'd be dead in 6 months so he finally quit. After he'd been sober a year he asked my mom if he could come out to visit us and she said yes. He came out in October of 1977, I was 9, that was the first time I ever saw him. He was 14 years older than my mom, 47 when I was born, so when he came out in 1977 he looked really old to me. The first thing I said to my mom when he got off the plane was "he looks more like a grandpa than a daddy", they both thought that was funny. His hair was pretty much just grey and white, not much black left in it, but really, other than that, he looked young, his face stayed young looking until he was quite old. He stayed at least two weeks, I don't remember exactly now, and then he went back to Minnesota (which was his home state and where'd he'd been living most of that time), got his affairs in order, and came back out to CA. He and my mom got remarried on Christmas eve that year, after being apart 9 years and were married for 25 years before he died in 2002. It was an adjustment to suddenly have two parents when you are used to having one and especially a dad who was much more strict than our mom had been but more on that later...

The haps

2006-07-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

really the main thing going on in my life is work, I worked 38 1/2 hours in 4 days last week and then took Friday off, thank god, to go to Santa Barbara with my friend Joyce. she lives in AZ now where it's like 115 degrees and I live in the hell that is Tujunga where it's been over 100 for weeks so I thought going to SB was a good idea for both of us. of course her plane was supposed to get into Burbank at around 9 pm Thursday night but was delayed by HOURS and got in at 11:30 pm and we had made plans to have lunch with Shannon in Simi Friday morning at 7:30 am on our way out of LA so we got almost no sleep. breakfast was nice though, we didnt' have to talk because Shannon talks so much you can't get a word in edgewise which worked great for us since we were sleep deprived and we got to laugh about it later. then we got pedicures before we left Simi but my pinkie toenails stuck to the inside of my shoes and I ended up with almost no polish on those toes, figures. so then we headed towards SB, took a minute to stop in Montecito and look in an antique shop and use the bathroom and then went into SB to have lunch. actually had lunch on the pier overlooking the water, we both had the fish and chips and shared a salad and then decided to do some wine tasting so we took the San Marcos pass to the 246 which goes into Buellton and Solvang, stopped in Santa Ynez at Kylara and did a tasting, I bought two bottles of wine and Joyce bought one of a dessert wine she really liked. couldn't decide whether to go into Los Olivos to find another winery or head into Solvang so we decide to just stay on the 246, went thru Solvang and Buellton and ended up at a winery between Buellton and Lompoc, did another tasting, I bought two more bottles of wine, one was a really nice Syrah for $30 to bring back and share with my boss and coworker, also bought some culinary sauces, didn't look at the bill of course, and then when I got home Saturday night noticed they charged me for THREE bottles of the white wine instead of two, $48 instead of $16, not good! at this point still have not gotten them to reverse the charges, have to call back again today. Anyway, we went to dinner at the Hitching Post after the wine tasting, both had fillet mignon, yummy and another glass of wine each, then checked into our hotel to get ready to go out. Joyce is putting on her makeup and looks over at me in the doorway of the bathroom and says "I don't feel very good" and I ask "like barfing not good?" and she says yeah so I get out of the way and she proceeds to throw up her whole dinner. no idea if it was the dinner or the wine, but I ate almost exactly the same thing she did so probably the wine. but then she felt totally fine so we went out anyway. SB is fun but it seemed like everyone was either a lot younger than us or a lot older, of course she's married anyway but it's always nice to flirt and we didn't even find anyone to flirt with. oh well, went to Denny's after and had a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich then went and crashed. Went back to Solvang the next day to do some shopping and at 11:30 am it was 104 degrees, freakin insane, so we went and had lunch in SB, did some shopping and headed back. actually got home around 8:30 Sat night, ate Japanese for dinner, watched Sideways (which totally makes sense given our weekend, if you've ever seen it), and then I took her to the airport Sunday morning at 7:30 am. went horseback riding Sunday again, actually got to ride, had a sort of argument with my friend Jen about the guy(?) she's seeing, I just think she's making really bad choices since she split up with her long time boyfriend and she asks for advice and then in completely dismissive of it, so why ask? so then I went to the grocery store, did some laundry, watched tv and basically vegged out the rest of Sunday. and this week is already hectic, it's like I'm on a wheel, one of those rodent ones in a cage, going round and round, that's how work feels... no wonder I drink so much.

Quick update

2006-07-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

So I called the guy from the concert on Tuesday, fairly late because I went out after work and didn't have time till then. And I didn't hear back from him that night or all day yesterday so I'm thinking, hm, what's up with that? Then today at work my cell rings and yes, it's concert guy, he's been busy with work but wanted to call me really quickly, we talked for like 3 minutes and he said he'd call me back tonight. Yay. Am fairly excited since he's a good kisser and I wouldn't mind macking out with him again and seeing where that goes.
This sort of relates to a post by Blu about girlfriends and how lame they can be and why she prefers to hang out with male friends in general. I myself have several v. good female friends, some I've had for well over 20 years, and I love them to death, they know pretty much everything about me which almost no one else does or ever will. They are the family I have chosen for myself because they support me, love me, put up with my crap, put me in check when I need it. One thing that has always bugged me are women who flake out on their friends to go out with a guy or at the slightest interest from a guy or whathaveyou (not at all meaning you, Blu!). I have a good girlfriend who's only 26 who tried to do that to me last night and I had to put her in check because it's just not cool. I dont' understand women who think that dropping your friends for a man is a good idea. In my experience men come and go but good friends are forever, better to keep those around and if the man doesn't understand he's not a good match for me anyway. Guess I'll just have to train my friend not be a flake :)

Concerts and such

2006-07-12T12:42:00.000-07:00

Went to a Pearl Jam concert Sunday night, they were really good live. The opening band was Sonic Youth, I'm sure I have heard them played on KROQ but they didn't play one song I recognized and what they did play I didn't like much. I was mainly going to see PJ anyway, so didn't really care, but my friend Jen went with me mostly to see SY and she didn't like their choices either. So we're drinking $12 margaritas at the concert, walking around trying to find a section with cute boys to flirt with, made a complete circuit and ended up right where we started. But then I ended up talking to a guy with a completely shaved head, cute, small goatee and glasses, sort of quirky/artistic looking, named Bill who was totally willing to share his corona with me/us and also other substances of the smoking variety and I ended up making out with him for most of the concert. Can't beat great live music and making out with someone who actually kisses well. Jen was a very good sport and didn't give me any crap about it, she was just happy one of us was getting something. His friend Raul seemed okay but who knows with guys. After we couldn't find our car and they walked around the parking lot twice with us looking for it, ended up being parked like 10 feet from their car, ironic, no? Then we all went to Denny's and ate breakfast which he paid for also (nice guy) and then I made out with him more in the parking lot while poor Jen waited in the car and finally got home around 2:30 am, had to be at work at 7:30 am Monday morning and was SO tired but it was worth it. We exchanged numbers but he lives in the OC which is a bit far so we'll see if anything comes of it. Going back to Santa Barbara for a weekend soon to with another friend, that s/b fun. And I'm starting a horseback riding class this Sunday, that's going to be a blast, can't wait! This summer is shaping up to be very interesting...

Not just Friday, payday Friday!

2006-07-07T13:14:00.000-07:00

I think everyone would agree that Fridays are, in general, one of the best days of the week, as long as your normal workweek is M-F, but payday Fridays are just that much better- the start of the weekend and money to spend! Vonderbar. So of course I used the occasion to buy two bracelets, a pair of earrings and a necklace from my friend and coworker who makes jewelry, spent $90, poof, some of that (sort of) hard earned money gone. But she makes pretty stuff, silver mostly, with real stones and crystals and designer beads and I like it, so oh well. Tomorrow I am going to go see the new Pirates of the Carribean movie with my friend Karla and Sunday I am going to see Pearl Jam at the Forum in Inglewood, for those of you who do not know LA very well, Inglewood is not, let's just say, the best neighborhood, it's actually more like THE HOOD kind of neighborhood, but I'm a brown girl, I should blend in. Next Sunday I have a class starting up, my friend Jen and I (of the Santa Barbara pics) are taking a horse back riding class together, it s/b fun, used to go riding all the time when I was younger in Santa Maria, but down here I never have the time/opportunity, so this provides for both of those things.
I may move into Pasadena, my friend lives in a small complex and an older lady passed away so now her apt is available or will soon be. Of course the circumstances are sad but the availability of a nice apt in a nice area for only $800 a month is not to be ignored no matter how it became available. Keep fingers crossed that I get it, I really do need to move from my current residence so I can stop sleeping with my gun under my pillow. For those who thought that was/is completely insane, keep in mind I have a queen size bed for just me and it's under the pillow I don't sleep on, so it's not as bad as it sounds...
My 20 year reunion is this year and may actually happen, we've never had a reunion, not one, but I am pushing people into meeting at the end of the month so hopefully we'll get something planned. I still see many of my good friends from HS but it would be interesting to see some of the ones that I haven't seen since we graduated lo these many years ago.
Speaking of HS, when I was in HS and we'd have to run laps, remember that fun activity? I never could run a whole mile, four laps, no way, I'd run one, then have to walk half a lap or so, run another lap, etc, I honestly think I NEVER ran a whole mile in my entire life, and the other night at the gym I ran 1.5 miles straight thru on the treadmill and I wasn't even really out of breath, my hips and ankles hurt but it wasn't even that hard. I think I'm in the best physical shape I've ever been in, discounting the arthritis that's creeping up on me and the adult acne I've been so blessed with lately. Maybe getting older doesn't completely suck.

Sup

2006-06-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

I have nothing planned for this weekend, my friend wants to go to this famous thrift store in downtown on Sunday maybe and really that’s it. She also invited me to go out after work, I’ll probably meet up with them for happy hour in Pasadena but I’m not going out to Hollywood with them, they are going to Miss Kitty's again and I'm not in the mood, I’d just rather go home and veg out in front of a movie or something or maybe even go to the gym late, I’m tired this week and grumpy, not sure why besides being annoyed at work, my coworker has been in Vegas all week and I've had to cover a lot of her stuff plus my own plus it seems like my boss give me more crud every day that just adds on to the madness, maybe I’m PMSing, although I usually don’t, but I started back on the pill to control my crazy periods so maybe it’s affecting me since I’m not used to it yet. I did Pilates last night, it kicks your butt, OMG, my muscles were shaking uncontrollably, it’s way more intense than yoga and then I jogged on the treadmill, I never jog, only walk really fast, I always kind of think there's no reason to run unless something is chasing you plus it usually makes me out of breath really quickly but last night I didn't get out of breath at all, it was easy, weird. Anyway, I hope everyone has a fabulous 4th of July weekend, peace out.

Everything's eventual

2006-06-22T13:59:00.000-07:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I want to do with my life, what I want to be when I grow up, even who I want to be when I grow up and the conclusion I've come to is... I still don't know. Is that sad, bad, normal, a problem? I don't know, it just seems like there are so many things I'm interested in that I can't quite pick one so I ended up in the banking profession as a sort of accident rather than really by choice, it's not hard work, the hours are good, my coworkers are, for the most part, pleasant and easy to get along with, oh yeah, there are annoyances of course, I'm rather stressed at the moment and sometimes people seem so stupid you wonder how they made it out of childhood, they should have been killed at some point just to prove Darwin correct but I mean, that's in all professions I think. But I really want a job/profession/whatever that makes me want to go to work in the morning or doesn't require me to be up early in the mornings, where I feel I'm making a difference, at least to my own mental/emotional/spiritual wellbeing yet pays enough to live comfortably, not be rich because I really don't care about that, but have enough money to have a nice place, nice shoes and lots of books and be able to travel, I don't think that's too much to ask for. I just feel so antsy all the time like I s/b doing something specific with my life, like what's it all for, am I just wasting time till I die, most days seem the same and time is passing SO FAST, I'll be 40 in two years and what have I really accomplished, will I be remembered for anything other than my sarcastic comments? I want someone/thing to point me in the right direction and tell me "this is what you s/b doing, go do it".

My weekend

2006-06-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

I had the most boring weekend and it was wonderful. I did go out Friday after work for sushi and a movie, saw Nacho Libre, ok, stupid as hell but I laughed so much my stomach and cheeks (not those ones, you perverts!) hurt. Jack Black is just funny to me. We were supposed to go to a club after in NoHo but we were too tired, so I went home. Saturday I got up, ate a bowl of cereal and went into Glendale to shop. And I was there for hours, I bought two camis at Express (big sale), a top at Macy's on clearance (light blue silk sleeveless), a cream skirt I am wearing today at White House, Black Market (too much but I had a gift card from my girlfriend), a purse at Wilson's Leather, it's off-white with black stitching and is SO cute, even my gay friend Alan said so, and by this time I realized I had spent more money than I intended, altho I did not buy the pair of cute, really high sandals I wanted to at Macy's, so I went to Target and focused and only bought TP, paper towels and Draino-O (only $6 at Target is a miracle for me, truly), then went to the grocery store, then home and watched a movie that night, In Good Company, pretty good, and that was my whole Saturday. Sunday took movies back, went to the gym for two hours, home to shower, went to the hardware store to buy white fly spray for my outdoors plants, to another grocery store, then spent the rest of the day reading and watching bad tv. I am almost done reading Nicholas Sparks book True Believer, it's not bad for a summer read.
today at work I am having to be an accountant which is making my brain hurt but I am almost done which is a relief.

Fun in Santa Barbara

2006-06-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

This is a recent pic taken in Santa Barbara on a weekend roadtrip with my friend Jen. I love SB, the weather is the best, it's pretty, the drive is easy, but I can't possibly live there because it's outrageously expensive. The bars make pretty damn strong drinks tho...

We had a good time :)

Normal?

2006-06-14T15:17:00.000-07:00

do you think it's normal to keep a 9mm loaded with hollow points under your pillow? is it a little psychotic or if one lives in a city like LA is it acceptable? just wondering...

Birthday gifts

2006-06-13T12:05:00.000-07:00

I did pretty well this year with the birthday gifts, at work I got a giftcard to Best Buy for $140, my uncle and grandma gave me $50 cash, I used both of those plus a little of my own money to buy a digital camera finally. My mom gave me silver and markasite earrings, a bracelet and a wrap to wear to fancy affairs. My sister gave me a DVD, one friend sent me a gift card to White House/Black Market for $50, another gave me a $30 giftcard to Wilson's Leather because she saw me looking at purses there and another gave me lotion and a book and my friend Michelle gave me linen spray from Bath and Bodyworks. I am having lunch with my friend Karla this weekend and I get a gift from her, my birthday really wasn't for a day or even a week but is stretching over the whole month practically. And Kath, the sweetie, sent me a card in the mail :) I have such nice friends, have to remember that when I'm being a brat and acting pouty about getting older or the state of the economy or whatever else I am bitching about from one moment to the next. My family isn't too shabby either, even if they are crazy they still love me, my aunt and uncle in Oregon are going to do the work of clearing my acre lot there since I can't make it up to do it, they are in their 50s and still willing to do manual labor for me, how nice is that? My aunt said if I decide to sell my land I will make a good profit on it, that was nice to hear. And next weekend is my annual dinner at work, get to get all dressed up and have dinner at the Long Beach aquarium, I'm taking my friend Jen with me and we are going out afterwards, par-tay!

Random crap

2006-06-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

what I've been reading lately: How to Meet Cute Boys, my friend Jen loaned it to me, it was fluffy but cute. Am also reading a book about figuring out what to do with ones life, maybe I can get some insight. Still reading The Sex Lives of Cannibals and I bought the Kite Runner, haven't started it yet.
what I've watched: An Unfinished Life, I really liked it even though it had J-Lo in it, she was understated for once and with Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman (LOVE HIM!), it told a really nice, quiet story about people, their lives and how we get so bogged down in the past we stop living in the present or seeing hope in the future. Highly recommend. I also have the Upside of Anger at home, haven't watched it yet.
nothing on tv, that's actually good, gives me more time to read and watch movies I have been wanting to see. what have y'all been reading/watching that you'd recommend?

Today in history

2006-06-05T10:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, today, June 5, 1968 Robert F Kennedy was assasinated but on that same exact day another person was born, me. Okay, I'm sure lots of other people were born that day, but anyway, I share an aniversary with RFK.
I have been celebrating/mourning all weekend, last Friday at work we did the cake, card, gift thing with my coworker Debra whose birthday is June 4th, we got her a gift card to Ann Taylor and I got one for $140 to Best Buy, I'm going to get a digital camera I think. Then we went for drinks later, just the four HR ladies, it was also for Debra's last day in our dept since she's going to the call center to be a supervisor. We already miss her...
Saturday my friends threw me a party at Moose's in Pasadena, that was fun, got drunk, stayed out till 2, and then yesterday I got up at 10, went to the gym, went by Starbucks to get iced tea and decided to get iced tea for the people that work at my gym because it was like 100 degrees so I took that back to them, they were really happy, then went and picked up two movies, An Unfinished Life with Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman and Jennifer Lopez, and in spite of J-Lo being in it, it was really good and she was good too. I also got The Upside of Anger but haven't gotten around to watching it yet. Besides coloring my hair, that's all I did yesterday, which was nice. Today I got a call from my mom and my sister and tomorrow my boss is taking me out for lunch. This weekend I'm driving to Santa Maria, taking off early Friday to go up and coming back late Saturday, I don't work all weekend, yay.
Unfortunately that's all that's going on, nothing really on the romantic front but whatever, it will pick up eventually, it always does. In the meantime I have more time for the gym and my friends :)

My long weekend

2006-06-01T09:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a long weekend anyway, since the CU was closed on Monday but I took an additional two days off, five days total, I really need a longer vacation but I don't have the time accrued yet so this was what I could do for now. It was nice though, I didn't do a lot, so many times I pack tons of stuff into a vacation and then don't get to relax. Saturday I'm not even sure what I did, I had to get an oil change which I did and while waiting had breakfast with a friend, then walked to the mall and did some shopping, didn't buy anything but had some gelato, yummy. Later I did...? I think I went to the gym and then I stayed home and did nothing. Sunday got up fairly early and picked up my friend Jen and drove into Ventura, we stopped at a roadside stand on the 126 to buy some locally grown stuff, they had nuts, fruit, honey, olives, etc, I got olives and honey, Jen got olives, turkey jerky and some beeswax/honey lotion stuff. Then when we got to Ventura we found a hotel and reserved a room but it was too early to check in so we went downtown and walked around, shopped, I bought some soaps at this cute little shop, earrings, nail polish, lipgloss and a pretty Indian top (turquoise w/beads and sequins on it, it goes over another top and only has a loop at the waist to secure it), really cute, all that was like $20, score, Jen bought shoes there and a top I think, she spent more at every store we went to. Also went to a thrift store and I bought two books for $1.48, Catcher in the Rye because I didn't own it already and some other fluffy, girly beach book. Then we ate lunch at some healthy place, not healthy on purpose but when we looked at the menu we realized it was, then we went and checked in at the hotel, she took a shower, then I took one and did out hair and make up and then drove into Santa Barbara to party, we ate at Rusty's Pizza, if you go to SB make sure to have pizza, there are two Rusty's in town, we ate at the one right on the beach by the pier, so good. Then we proceeded to State Street, and went to I think 4 or 5 bars/clubs, not sure exactly, they were making the drinks SO strong, I had five all night which I know is a lot for some people but not for me but I was DRUNK, and Jen had 6 so she was worse. And there were no cute guys hitting on us, she got hit on by one guy when I was in the bathroom at one place, but let's just say no to that one, but then a guy complimented me on my top (the Indian one, told ya it was cute) at another bar, so we talked to him for a bit, he's an artist in Montecito, he gave me his card, I gave him mine, we took some pictures with him, he was a good sport, but then his lame friends made him leave, and that was the last cute boy we talked to. but I'm going to email him and see if he responds, if not, oh well. Monday morning woke up not feeling great, no wonder, but we went to the beach and layed out for an hour or so then headed back into LA, stopped at another roadside stand and bought some fruit, tomatoes, nuts to take back, dropped Jen off, went home and did nothing the rest of the day. Tuesday i went looking for apartments in Glendale but OMG, I am so not paying $1000 a month for a one bedroom, so I guess I'm not living there since that was the median price. That was depressing, but I also went to the mall to get a gift card at Ann Taylor for a friend and bought a pair of Steve Madden wedges for $40 on sale, they are SO CUTE, I can't stand it, wore them yesterday and everyone was dying, they are really high and I'll probably break my ankle at some point but I don't care. I went to lunch with Jen and her coworkers yesterday, didn't have to pay since they expensed it, we had Creole food, Jen's from Louisianna originally, she said it was good but not really authentic but I enjoyed it anyway, also went to the gym both Tuesday and Wednesday, then last night I went and met a guy for coffee in Burbank and bought another book at a discount place, Terry Prachett, 1st edition hardback for $5, score again.
Today am back at work, have to work tonight also, I so didn't want to come in, why can't I win the lotto and not have to work anymore? I am wearing my new earrings at least, that makes me feel better. Anyway, the weekend is almost here and my birthday party is Saturday in Pasadena and we celebrate both my coworker Debra's and my birthday tomorrow here at work with cake and presents, I love gifts, and I also had three books delivered from Amazon this morning here so that was like an early b-day gift too, even though I paid for them...