Tonight

I am seeing the guy tonight, he's had a week to decide if he wants to keep seeing me (just me) or if he still wants to date others in which case I'm not going to see him anymore. In the meantime, he emailed me Monday morning at 9 after leaving my house around 7:45 to say he could see me Friday (today). Then he called me yesterday at 8 am (he's usually not even up that early) to finalize plans and called again a little while ago to decide exactly what we are doing. We are hanging out at his house but he asked me "what do you want to do, see a movie, watch Bill Maher, whatever you want to do". I told him we could just watch tv and hang out, that was fine. He said he'll p/u some snacks on his way home for us. My friend's at work think he's going to tell me he wants to just see me. I kind of think the same thing but realize he could still say he isn't ready for that. Either way I'm fine, because I know what I want and that I am not going to settle for less than that. Part of me almost wants the easy way out, which would be him telling me he wants to see other women because then the decision is made for me. If he says he is willing to see just me, part of me will be wondering if he's telling the truth and if I can trust him. Trust is a big deal with me and something I have trouble with. If I find out he's lied later on it's going to really devastate me and I don't want to go thru that. On the other hand, if I don't even take a chance, and just give in to my fear, then I haven't grown and I really want to learn to trust again. So I'm probably going to give it a chance if that's what he wants to do, but of course I'll probably be nauseous for days...