Friday, December 04, 2009


I've been thinking a lot lately about family. What makes someone "family"? I know that we are born into a certain family but often those who are related by blood to us don't act like family and maybe we wouldn't even want to call them that. With my mom passing away I am left with a huge void; she was what was left of my immediate family that I felt any real closeness to. Don't get me wrong, I love my siblings and I have a lot of them, 6 to be exact. My oldest sister Lynn lives in MN and she's a peach, I love her mucho mucho and I also love her daughter Alana, my niece who also had breast cancer. She's two years older than me (the niece) and she's awesome too. I also love my brother Billy; he's my only "full" brother, we share both parents. Even Angie, the one who drives me nuts, I love her but come on, she's not who I would go to in a time of need, let's be serious.
So who is my real family? Well, these are the people I consider family and if they read this I hope that makes them happy. Sean of course, he is my honey, I love him more than I can tell ya and I am proud and happy to be marrying him in a week. Then there are my best friends, I don't have just one but several who are the kind of friend's all women should be lucky enough to have; Natalie (I've known her since I was 12 and we are still friends all these years later), Karla (my first LA friend, and my rock, she took care of me when I was recovering from my mastectomy), Shannon, my second LA friend who would do anything for me, Joyce who moved to AZ but is still one of my best friends for life and flew out to LA to help take care of me after my cancer diagnosis, Jennifer who is like my little sister and is sometimes a bit nutty but has a big heart and is there when you need her. And my work friends, Mary, Maria and the other Jen as well as Arlene, Jackie and Chris who took me to chemo appts and brought me food and Alan who is the best guy friend I have. And last but certainly not least is Heidi, my ex-MIL and always friend who loves me unconditionally and came to take care of me after my last surgery. I would do anything for these people and they would do anything for me and to me, that's the real meaning of family. Blood is an accident of birth but to have people like this in your life is a blessing and I am proud that I am somehow deserving of their love and friendship.
So that's my real family now that my mom and dad are gone. I love my birth family but these are the people who are truly there for me and we have chosen to share our lives, good and bad. How lucky I am to have them.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I haven't posted in over a month

So here's a post. I just don't really feel like detailing all the crap that's been going on, from my mom passing away to falling in the shower and breaking the 9th rib on my right side to the issues with my sister and brother following the passing of my mom to my mom's brother who is drinking himself to death...
On the plus side everything with the BF is still good, we went to Vegas for his birthday weekend and went to a murder mystery dinner, it was a hoot, we got to be part of the show and I won a prize at the end. I missed out on going to NYC with my friend Joyce due to breaking my rib so that sucked and we have to reschedule. And that's about all for now.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

I hate cancer

So I've been cancer free now for almost 2 years, I'm coming up on my 2nd anniversary which is a big date. It's called being NED, no evidence of disease and the gals like to say they are dating Ned...
I'm really really grateful that I seem to be beating it since I was stage III and it seemed my docs didn't have a great outlook on my prognosis. I try to live each day to the fullest, I finally got over my issues with relationships and found a man who loves me and who I love in return. I'm working on myself, my relationships, my life and I'm, for the most part, very happy
My friend C who's the same age as me was diagnosed with cancer (a different kind) about 2 1/2 years ago. She didn't quite make 2 years before it came back. She recently (like a week ago) finished chemo for the second time. Today she found out from a PET scan that the tumor that had shrunk due to chemo has now grown and it has spread to her bowl and she has activity in her thigh. She was stage IV when diagnosed, but still, this SUCKS SO MUCH ASS. She has kids and a husband and is fighting so hard and it's back without her even getting a break. I hate, hate, hate cancer and what it does to us, what it tries to take from us. I know she'll keep fighting and I'll be praying every day that she wins this fight, but my heart HURTS for her and her family and there's absolutely nothing I can do.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Omg, I'm such a loser!

I know, I know, it's been almost a month since I posted, what's wrong with me?! That's rhetorical, btw ;)
Ok, let's see, what's been the haps?
Well, the garden is doing SO well, it's very exciting, I'll try to take more pics and post them. We've already had tomatoes off both plants and all of the other plants have flowers and should hopefully soon have fruit and veggies. Even plants that didn't show in the first pics are coming up nicely, some type of beans (can't remember exactly what I planted). Flowers are doing well too, I like gardening, it's relaxing to get your hands dirty and see something come of it.
In other news, the new boob is doing just fine! I saw my plastic surgeon (or PS) and he was very happy with everything. He wanted to give me a new nipple and make the left side (original boob) look more like the new one, but I opted to be left alone for now. Enough slicing and dicing, thank you very much. Plus, I think it looks good and so does BF, that's all that matters. In clothes you can't even tell. There is one thing though, because the skin used for it was taken from my "lower" stomach, I have a bit of my happy trail now on my chest, so I have to shave it. Ha, what a crazy world!
All is good with the BF as well, we still have never even had a fight and our anniversary is this month. Of course I don't remember the actual date, but I already got him a gift and a card, I'll just give it to him when he gives me mine ;) I'm such a guy sometimes! On the bad side of things, he's still not working, it's been over 2 months and I'm starting to get a little stressed. So please keep your fingers crossed that he gets a job soon...
My mom is still doing ok, her breathing has not been good, I know why it's not good but she acts like she doesn't which is frustrating. I mean, she smoked for over 50 years and even once she was put on oxygen she kept smoking until very recently. A few years ago her doctor told her that her lungs were at approx. 10% of capacity but she kept smoking. That's why she can't breath and I think she's just at the point where the meds can't really do much good anymore. It sucks, but it's a result of her choices. So we go visit once a month, going up this weekend, and hopefully she'll last a while longer, I just don't know.
That's things with me, howzabout you?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I've been lagging...

I know I'm a big ole lagger, it's been busy at work and at home, but I'll try to recap now!

It was my birthday last Friday and I took the day off from work. BF, my friend Karla and I drove up the coast to Santa Maria, stopping in Santa Barbara (actually Isla Vista) for lunch at Freebirds, which was supposed to be the best burrito to be had in those parts. We thought they were ok, but not the best, oh well. Then when we got to SM, we went by my ex-MIL's house to visit, we had brought her these yummy honeydew melon ice bars you can only get at Asian markets, she had them while she was here taking care of me and loved them. They taste sort of like a 50/50 but honeydew instead of orange, yummers. She gave me a Visa gift card for my b-day and a really lovely greeting card. Then we went to my mom's, we did some chores around the place for her, hung out for a bit, then went into San Luis Obispo for dinner. They were having an event called Art after Dark, around 20 stores and galleries were having exhibits, we walked around for about an hour, then went to an Italian place for dinner. I'd never been there, but the food was really good and the waiter, an older gentleman, was so nice. I had scallops with pasta alfredo and it was very good. I also mentioned it was my birthday and he brought us out a tiramisu for dessert, it was SO good! Yummy, yum yum...

Saturday we did more stuff for my mom, including BF putting in a new shower head, then we went for a long drive. It's really pretty in that area, there's not much to do, but it's very scenic. For dinner we had a local BBQ place deliver food ranging from ribs to tri-tip to chicken. It was a little disappointing and if anyone is in SM for BBQ I'd suggest stopping at any of the oak wood BBQ pits on Broadway vs. eating at the restaurant. Then we left SM at around 8:00 pm, stopped at Starbucks and drove home.
Sunday we mostly did stuff around the house, went to WalMart to get more stuff for the plants, TP and stuff. It was nice having a day to relax, lemme tell ya. I'm including some pics of my plants, they are doing really well, it's so exciting!

Monday, May 18, 2009


We had a really nice weekend. I wanted to thank my ex-MIL for taking care of me while I was recouping, so I bought 4 tickets to Disneyland and had them come down for a visit on Saturday evening. We totally cleaned the house Saturday during the day, did laundry, went to the grocery store, etc and they got into town around 5 pm. BF grilled turkey burgers and we had deviled egg potato salad and a green salad with avocados, tomatoes, english cuke and romaine. It was so nice out that we ate on the deck and then we played Texas Hold'em and had panna cotta from Trader Joe's for dessert, it's SO good.
Sunday we all got up early, I made us a cheese omelet with blueberry bagels and fruit for breakfast and we took off for Disneyland. We got there before 9:00 am and were able to get on three rides in a row w/out really having to wait, it was great. Then we had lunch at the House of Blues in downtown Disney, went back to the park for a while and finally left around 5:30. After we drove back home, my ex-MIL & FIL stayed for a while, then packed up and took off. Heidi (ex-MIL) kept telling me what a great time they had, she was so happy. Plus, it was her b-day weekend, so it was perfect timing. I'm really glad they had a good time because I wanted to do something really nice for her after all she did for me.
Of course, by the end of the evening I had a killer headache, probably from the sun, and I still have it today, I ended up getting to work late because when I woke up I couldn't see well out of my right eye, it was all fuzzy. Stupid migraines... oh well, it was still a wonderful weekend.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Not a UTI...

But then we all were pretty sure it wasn't, huh? Yeah, the woman at Urgent care said she's pretty sure it's herpes, BF was in the room with me at the time. I had already told him I thought that's what it was. He actually had everything tested except for that prior to me meeting him and he really didn't know he had it. The Dr said many people get no symptoms at all on their first outbreak, or even just one little thing that looks like an ingrown hair, so he didn't even realize he had it. He feels like crap about it, it's FREAKIN' painful, lemme tell ya. I didn't kill him because I do believe he didn't know he had it. He's still in a state of disbelief but he knows that's the only place I could have gotten it, I haven't cheated on him. So now I'm on Valtrex and am hoping it subsides quickly and I am not one of the unlucky ones who has bunches of outbreaks. Sigh... if it's not one thing it's something else. But as Blu said, at least it's nothing worse, it's not gonna kill me or anything. Sucks though, I've never had as much as a cold sore in my life and now I have this. If I thought he was lying to me... he'd be the new Mr. Bobbitt, but I don't think he is. Frick.