Life or something like it
so, what is going on in my life at present? well, my grandma turned 95 on March 16 and I went to Santa Maria (my hometown) over the weekend to see my mom and go to a little party for grandma on Saturday. can I just say that my family is the definition of dysfunctional? of course I can say it, but really, they are just freakin nuts, I think I'm one of the only semi-sane ones in the bunch and considering I'm fairly crazy that's not sayin much. we go over there and grandma is asleep, which she's almost always asleep now and I mean, she's 95, what do you expect? but my mom goes all cuckoo, gets all pissed off at my uncle and aunt for not having her up when she gets there and I'm like, mom, you need to stop or I'm going to leave, I hate the family drama crap. so I decide to go outside where half the family is, in the backyard and I meet my uncle Bill coming in from there and he's like "hi Jeannie" all high pitched and sing-songy and I'm thinking, jesus, he's freakin drunk as shit, he was totally wasted. so I say, "hi uncle Bill" and he says, "give me a smile" and I'm thinking, I want to go home now, you are totally weirding me out, but I give him a hug and then he smells my hair and says, your hair smells so nice, so my uncle is hugging me, smelling my hair and I'm just beyond creeped out by this point. so I manage to extricate myself and go outside where my other uncle and cousin are sitting and that uncle says, look at this beautiful girl, wow, you're so beautiful, you don't even look like the same person, and I'm thinking, what does that mean? was I that hiddeous before, keeping in mind I lost like 35 lbs last year and he hasn't seen me since the weight loss, but seriously, it's not like I morphed into another person, so now I'm feeling uncomfortable with him and he's obviously drunk also although not as bad as uncle Bill, but still. so I sit outside for a while and eventually we have to go in, they got grandma up, and so we all troop in and eat, and they serve this frozen lasagne, I don't really eat pasta anymore unless it's really good, it's just not worth the carbs but my uncle Bill makes a point of saying he got it specifically for me so I have to have some, it's vegetarian, he knows I don't eat a lot of meat, so we're eating it and my mom says something to me about it, how I don't eat pasta and my other uncle, Dan says so you don't eat meat and you don't eat carbs, what do you eat? I'm like, I eat stuff, like a lot of salads and soup and veggies, seafood, chicken, stuff like that and of course now they think I'm the freak but I'm thinking, look in the mirror people, at least I realized I was a fatty and got off my butt and went to the gym and changed my eating habits and am healthy now, you are all drunk and most of my family is fat, not chubby, not a size 14/16 like I was pre weight loss, but like size 20+ and uncle Bill is diabetic, not supposed to drink but obviously does, the other uncle has an enlarged liver, also not supposed to drink, also ignoring that advice, so I'm not worrying about the fact that I don't eat a lot of stuff they eat, thank you very much. then at one point I'm sitting at the table having my little piece of birthday cake and one scoop of ice cream and both uncles end up smelling my hair, wtf, how on earth is it possible to feel molested at the age of 37 by your two drunk uncles? freaks, I'm telling you. not even going into how they wanted me to read my birthday card to my grandma out loud to everyone which I wasn't about to do esp. since the last time I saw her she didn't know who I was and I wasn't going to be in the middle of reading to her and have her say, who are you again. plus I am just not that mushy kind of person, not my thing.
whew, that was long. anyway, as to the guy I'm seeing who I like A LOT, small problem, he's not getting enough work in the industry, think I mentioned before, and he told me we need to step back from the relationship because he may have to move back to the east coast if he can't get steady work, he's been here for 6 years and it's not happening for him, it's a really hard industry to get into and have steady work and really get anywhere so he's getting kind of depressed, can't blame him but it sucks, I finally meet someone I have a lot in common with, same sarcastic sense of humor, smart, interesting, and he may have to move. so in the meantime, we haven't been spending as much time together but it's not really a break up exactly because for instance, I got back in town late Saturday night and ended up going to SB to hang out for a bit then to a bar we play pool at, we played pool all night, he bought my drinks, I dropped him off at his car and then yesterday I went to a Japanese garden with my friend and out to lunch and then he called me to tell me how a meeting went and said he was going to be at SB later so I called him on my way home and he was like, ok, I'll close out what I'm doing and meet you there, so we hung out there for a couple hours then went to dinner. it's like we are still dating but just less intensely, so I guess that's better than actually breaking up, but I still miss having him stay over. all I can do is hope he starts getting more work so he doesn't have to move away because that will suck major ass.
4 Comments:
bean , if the guy is interested and you really think you found the right guy drop everything you are doing and go to the east coast with him . First off you like each other and want to live with each other (I'm making assumptions here on what you said ) secondly it will put some distance between you and what seemed to me to be a pretty nutty family situation . 2 birds with one stone kind of thing , Allan
thanks Blu :)
Allan, if he does move, I can't just pick up and move with him, he'd have to get settled plus my jobs are here, my cat, etc, and my mom is sick, I don't want to be that far from her. As for the family situation, yes, it's a mess, but I live 2 1/2 hours away by car, so I don't see them that much, they never come here, it was just an icky visit. I appreciate your suggestion tho, and yes, I want it to work out but I just can't move to be with him.
ok bean , its your life to do with as you see fit . I understand there are problems , there always are no matter what your situation in life but I'm nearing 60 now , I'll be 59 next wednesday , and there were opportunities I missed in life that I rue to this day . Some concerning business , others concerning personal relationships that I should of handled differently . Between you and me and I don't mean this to be mean its just the truth , 37 isn't that young anymore when you are trying to settle your life into something you like and with someone you like . I remember 37 Bean and before I knew it I was 58 . Yeah I did lots of stuff in those years but still they just evaporated like water. So there you have my perspective from a person 20 years your senior. Thats the best I can offer and I wish you the best in your persuits in life . Allan
I actually agree w/you, Allan, life is flying by, I notice that more and more, and believe me, I know 37 isn't that young, I'll be 38 in June and I can't believe how fast it's going by. I am trying right now to decide what I really want out of life, who I want to be with, how I want to spend what's left to get maximum pleasure/happiness out of it, but it's a learning process for me and I'm not sure yet. Keep giving me suggestions tho, I truly do appreciate them.
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