What is love, baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more...
That song was on VH1 today for a list of one hit wonders, and of course I always have to do the head bob thing from SNL when I hear it. But it also makes me wonder, is it love? I was watching VH1 at the BF's house because I stayed over and I will probably go over this evening sometime as well. We are spending 4-5 nights with each other every week, my friend Jen says she knows we are going to end up living together. But here's my conumdrum (well, one of them anyway); I haven't been at this point in a relationship in a LONG TIME and honestly, I'm not sure I know what it feels like to be in love, fall in love, love a man anymore. I feel stuff for BF, quite strong stuff, but is it love? And is he in love with me? Neither of us has said it and I do not plan on being the first one, but I know even if he feels that it's got to be scary for him to say it also. He's uber affectionate, really lovey dovey, kisses the top of my head as we're watching tv, kisses the tip of my nose (I know Alex, gag, right? :), and I honestly think he probably does love me... or is falling in love with me... but how do you know? How can you tell if a man loves you if they haven't said it yet? How do you know if you love them? Does it feel the same as when you are a hormonal 20 something? Or does age and being hurt before and wisdom (ha, I wish) change how you experience it? Any thoughts?
posted by Beanns37 at
6:18 PM
7 Comments:
you know it's as close to love as you can get when the other person does something gross or engages in your biggest pet peeve that you just CAN'T let go, and you find yourself tolerating or getting over it, because you care so much about the other person, that it just isn't a big deal. you know the love is gone when you'd rather live alone so you don't have to put up with their awful habits any longer because if you have to, you'll maime them.
jilly
It seems to me that a real, deep, abiding love would take a long time to grow. Can you imagine spending every single day forever with him? If yes, then it might be the start of love. If you are unsure, wait and see. What's the rush?
Sometimes I think Love is the excuse people give themselves to enjoy what they are doing without feeling guilty. sometimes I think its a load of old bollocks made up by romance novelists to make life seem a bit more interesting for the masses . sometimes I think I am too cynical for my own good.Apart from my kids and the dog I dont think I love anything
Well, you are all correct I think. And Tree, you definitely are, there's no rush, I just get weird when it comes to my feelings, esp for men. Feeling anything other than lust and like for them makes me very nervous and I like to quantify everything, this is why I have trouble with faith and religion and such. I want to KNOW WHAT IT ALL MEANS, you know? I'm nuts.
I'd listen hard to all three of the above posts, but mostly give the relationship much more time. Moreover, you might best keep the term "love" out of the equation for as long as possible. As your own words suggest, it is too loaded with expectations and a range of conditioned behaviors, all of them real and possibly meaningful but also possibly meaningless. Like the discussion of "truth" in fiction (over in Tree's blog) or of "happiness" (in Another Bookshelf), "love" is just not a useful word. Never in young relationships, and sometimes not in very old ones. Still, I'd keep enjoying everything you are doing: get moon-eyed, get bedazzled and become bedazzling; somehow, keep both hopeful and skeptical. But unless you are talking books, movies, popcorn or flyfishing, try to keep the word "love" out of things.
Love is when you want what's best for him, not what's best for you, up to and including (if necessary) not having you around.
I'll have you know that I've had that song by Haddaway in my head for two days now!
One indicator for me is when I love them more for their faults, not less.
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