Sheesh
So everything is going really well with the guy I'm dating, in fact he made me dinner last night and then we watched last week's Office online so we'd be prepared to watch this week's at my house tomorrow night. Then we watched some other weird show with that Doogie Howser guy online then watched Chasing Amy on DVD. Then we were messing around and that was fun and afterward we're laying in bed talking and he tells me that due to money being tight for him and his friend they are going to move in together and be roommates. Now that doesn't sound bad but here's the back story: this friend is a girl (not normally a problem for me) who is in online porn (I'm not judgemental so that's ok, but...) and my guy was at one time in one of her videos with her doing some oral testing if you know what I mean. So they have this history and I do believe him that they are just friends now, plus he's being very upfront about the whole thing, but still. He asked me if it was ok with me and how I felt about it, and I told him it was alright but of course I'm still kind of uncomfortable. How would you feel if you were in this position? Not that any of you would be because clearly my life is the stuff of soap operas and I don't know anyone else who has anything remotely as weird going on. The thing is, he's really nice, I like him a lot, it's not love by any means at the point, but it's comfortable and we have a lot of fun together and he's told me how much he likes me and how awesome I am multiple times, so I know he feels the same. I just am not sure how to feel about him being roommates with (BBW) porn girl.
posted by Beanns37 at
3:14 PM
8 Comments:
okay, my gut instinct... ummmm no.
I think you're focusing on the wrong issue.... the fact that he would have a friend like this or more so, that he participated in it... ick. Seriously. I have dated some losers in my life but this would so turn me off. Not classy, never would I be attracted to a type that would involve himself in this. -blu
you know, for me i'd prabably say "no" to mr and ms porn star, but who the hell am i to judge? i mean, my sister's shacking up with 3 other married adults and playing mommy to their kids. their all one step from a reality series or being an HBO series you all would watch and comment on. they'll probably all show up at my house for thanksgiving day with my inlaws who are mentally ill ministers. seriously, no room to judge people here. so why does it matter what we think? you're the one who has to put up with it. sit and think about what you like and what you're willing to put up with. life is too short to waste on things that aren't important to you.
jilly
See, I don't mind him having a friend like her, I mean, this is LA and when I worked in the valley I saw porn stars quite often. As for being in one, yeah, that's a little off putting, but it's not like he made a career of it and truly, people's pasts are just that, past. I am definitely not an angel by any stretch of the imagination and in fact my past would make some men uncomfortable I'm sure. I think it's just the situation as a whole that's bothering me. I'll have to think about it more and see how I feel once he's living there I guess.
Obviously it makes you very uncomfortable or you wouldn't have even written the post.
Forget worrying about whether or not your judging or not judging someone, and just recognize that you don't like part or all of the situation.
They have a past, a history, and that history included casual sex for the purpose of video to make money, so I wouldn't doubt if he did it again.
But then you've said you're not exclusive, so even if he is having sex with this other woman, he's not breaking any laws or vows.
All that being said, I would not like it and I would not continue in that relationship if I wanted it to get serious. If I wanted it to be casual with benefits, fine.
Oh, one more thing.
He's not truly leaving the past in the past if he's shacking up with this girl. He's pulling the past into the present and setting himself up in a similar situation, so I don't believe it is all in the past.
What Spidey said..... ummmm not just no, but HELL NO!
Maybe he wants you to invite him to move in with you because I really can't see how it's reasonable for him to expect you to be okay with this.
Ragamuffin
I had the same reaction as Blu -- for me the issue would be his participation in past productions.
As my mother would say, you have to make your own decisions. You are your own person. But, if you're asking what I would do, I'd dump him but, that's just me.
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