The Gig

How exactly do things work, which order do they occur in, what precedes what? Is my love life a mess because of actions I've taken or not taken, because of stuff that occured in chidhood, or just because that's how it is for most people and I'm just caught up in the same things everyone else who is trying to date in 2006 gets caught up in? It's just such a pain in the ass, I swear, men are completely demented I think, the more I date, the more I think this and it's not like it's one age group, I'm dating pretty much all age groups except teenagers and younger and geriatrics, they are all nuts, so what is a girl to do?
Case in point, actually two cases, I was talking to a guy from online, he's in his 40s, from LA (the state) originally, he emailed me after seeing my profile on Myspace, which has a couple of pics you might consider provocative, but really show nothing more naughty than my bare back, we emailed a few times and I gave him my cell number, but when we talked on the phone I realized I wasn't interested in pursuing it any further. Maybe that seems like a snap judgement to some, but I can tell from a phone convo if the person is just completely not right for me and there's really no point in wasting either their or my time. so when he called again I didn't respond back and I got an email on myspace saying something like, "oh, no response, I get it", so I'm thinking good, he gets it, no need to reply but then some stupid, adult, responsible part of me thinks I should be polite and respond to his email, so I just say, very politely, sorry, after talking on the phone I didn't think we were a match, good luck in finding the person who is. And I got the nastiest email in reply, calling me stupid, a slut, old (and I'm much younger than him, so that was pretty funny), a liar, blah, blah, blah. now, my feelings are not actually hurt because his opinion does not matter to me, but really, how on earth do you respond in such a hostile manner to someone politely saying they aren't interested? and obviously I was right about not meeting him, kudos for me, and him telling me I'm stupid, you don't know if you have chemistry with someone until you meet in person, is completely wrong plus his whole diatribe was completely illiterate and I couldn't date someone who is that ignorant anyway.
you may be wondering how I was even talking to him when I like the 36 year old, but I have decided not to put my life on hold while he decides what he's doing, I don't want to date anyone seriously but if someone wants to have coffee or a drink I figure I will be open to that, and he and I agreed we aren't dating right now, so it's not cheating, he would be the first to say I can go out with whoever I want to. the truth of the matter is that if he would just get with it, I really only want to be with him, but he's the one making this difficult and thinking that his having a stable job or not having one means we can or cannot be a couple, so anyway, that's why I was willing to meet the above person for coffee until he turned from Dr Jekyll into Mr Hyde. but of course I'm still seeing the guy, I haven't been calling him, I decided I'm not calling at all anymore, I still see him at SB because if he's not working he's in every day, so it's not like there's no contact, and if he calls, then he calls. I had mentioned I wanted to see a movie last week on Sunday if he wasn't working and right away he said yes, and then he called on Sunday while I was at work and suggested we go to see a band play at the Gig in Hollywood, one of the SB guys plays in a folksy band and they had a gig that night and some of the SB people were going. so we did that instead, but I decided not to be my usualy friendly, touchy feely self with him because I think that being too available and obviously in like with him is not working, so I was a little more aloof and this is what gets me. he had definitely been more distanced from me lately when we are together, even tho he is always up to doing something with me, physically he's more distanced, not touching me, etc, and last night when I distanced myself, he was touching my shoulder again when he talked to me, standing by me when I walked away, helping me with my shots when we went to play pool after the gig. so here's my question: what the hell is wrong with men that they can't just act on their feelings like a normal human being, stop with the freaking games and just be with the person you want to be with and let them know how you feel!!!!! sorry, that wasn't really a question, but I'm so frustrated with the whole thing, I am willing to make a lot of concessions for this person, which I normally won't do, and it's all for naught because he's so caught up in being focused on work that he's unwilling to be open to anything else right now, unless I play the game of disinterest. it's f*cking lame.