Crazy, crazy for feeling so...
Nuts. I realize that I really have no idea how to have an adult relationship. My ex cheating on me and leaving me for the hoochie he was cheating with (who he's now also left for a 20 year old) really messed me up. I have trust issues, abandonment issues, who know what other kinds of issues. How'm I supposed to have any kind of healthy relationship? I don't know how to make the voices in my head stop f'ing me up. I really want to make this current one work, but whenever I don't hear from him for a day or so I assume something is wrong. Then I start to sabotage the relationship. I'm either going to bug the crap out of him and drive him away or I'm going to end it because I'm stressing myself out too much. And so it goes, this endless cycle... how the hell do I get off this ride, it's not fun anymore. I should probably see a therapist but I doubt I'll do that. I need to figure out a way to heal myself. Today I went walking twice, did a total of 4 miles, just to clear my head and get rid of some of my nervous energy. I really do not know what to do, I'm afraid I'm going to keep messing up any semi-decent prospects because I just can't chill the hell out. ARGH!!!
posted by Beanns37 at
8:40 PM
4 Comments:
I don't have any answers for you. But I do think that long vigorous walks are a very positive way to handle anxiety. Way better than, say, drinking yourself into oblivion. So good for you--keep walking!
Thanks Jess! I agree, it's much healthier than stuff I used to do when I was stressed and I've lost another 6 lbs, so I am getting something positive out of it :)
Ok - you are a control freak. You want to be able to control the situation, control his phone calls, control his thoughts. And not being able to control the situation is driving you nuts. -blu
PS. When you find the right one, ugh, sounds like such a cliche, but I really believe when you find someone right, the worries will go away. But who knows, I stopped searching for someone right for the past couple of years. One of these days, I plan on getting back in the game. And this time I am doing it with a little more meat on my bones and my blonde hair gone, a little older, and giving a shit a little less. Take it or leave it, boys.
Blu, yes, I am definitely a control freak although I have to say I don't want to control his thoughts, I just want to know what they are because that's less scary for me. But I do have to let things go, I know that. It's a work in progress, at least I know I'm a mess :)
As for you, you are still really young and have time to figure out what kind of guy you want and find him, but don't stay out of the pool too long!
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