Baby I'm back...

I was in my hometown of Santa Maria for a couple of days, for a couple of reasons. One, my mom's 73rd b-day was yesterday. Two, I needed to get my roots done since I am currently platinum blonde. And three, I wanted to hang out with my friend Natalie (aka my hairdresser). And it was a pretty good weekend, my hair looks fly, very Madonna circa the Blonde Ambition Tour era. My mom really enjoyed her day and I got to visit with my ex-MIL, who is now a good friend. She's coming to LA to visit me in October and we may go see Wicked even though I've seen it twice, it's that good. My drive back down the coast today was very nice, not a lot of traffic; the only bummer part is I was hoping to see my guy friend as he's leaving for AZ for a week but he was too stressed with getting stuff done before he goes. However, he gets a little leeway because of a little incident the other evening. It went something like this...
My one year BC free anniversary, as previously stated, was Wednesday, Aug 27th. That same night I had plans to go see my guy friend do standup in West Hollywood and I also mentioned about it being my anniversary, mostly because I had forgotten and thought that was funny. So at the show he's MCing and also doing some of his own material. Around the second time he went up to introduce the next act he starts his act by asking if anyone in the audience had ever had cancer. I put my hand up (I'm very participatory) and I'm the only one, sweet, I feel so special. So he goes on to tell a story about his dad getting cancer and beating it, but while beating it being very sick and how his aunt gave his dad pot to help him and he never stopped smoking it. Funny story. So after telling about his family he says "I have a friend in the audience, it's her one year anniversary for beating cancer, let's all congratulate her" and everyone turns to stare at me, so I do the Rosebowl Float Queen wave at them all. Now wasn't that just too nice? Whatta guy. So yeah, he has some credits with me, plus next weekend he will be back, no kids, and when I asked him about it, he said he was "completely free" that weekend, and then I said "well not completely, right?" and he said "no, I'm all yours". What a good answer :)
Oh, and I may be going on LA Ink, if any of y'all watch that, to get my next tat. If you'd like to be kept in the loop let me know and I'll tell ya when it airs!

How fast does a year go by?

Wow, yesterday was my one year anniversary for BC diagnosis. I totally forgot until someone congratulated me on making it to one year. I can't believe it went by that fast. I actually consider the date of surgery to be my one year for being cancer free which will be Sunday, Aug 31. Now if I can just make two years without a recurrence, I'll be doing good!

Crazy, crazy for feeling so...

Nuts. I realize that I really have no idea how to have an adult relationship. My ex cheating on me and leaving me for the hoochie he was cheating with (who he's now also left for a 20 year old) really messed me up. I have trust issues, abandonment issues, who know what other kinds of issues. How'm I supposed to have any kind of healthy relationship? I don't know how to make the voices in my head stop f'ing me up. I really want to make this current one work, but whenever I don't hear from him for a day or so I assume something is wrong. Then I start to sabotage the relationship. I'm either going to bug the crap out of him and drive him away or I'm going to end it because I'm stressing myself out too much. And so it goes, this endless cycle... how the hell do I get off this ride, it's not fun anymore. I should probably see a therapist but I doubt I'll do that. I need to figure out a way to heal myself. Today I went walking twice, did a total of 4 miles, just to clear my head and get rid of some of my nervous energy. I really do not know what to do, I'm afraid I'm going to keep messing up any semi-decent prospects because I just can't chill the hell out. ARGH!!!

Boys...

Honestly, is there one who will give you a straight answer to a question? I mean, it's not that hard is it, honesty? Do they have to be evasive and vague, is it something in the genes? And if, for instance, I go over to a boy's house and his daughter answers the phone when I call to say I'm there and hangs up on me three times, then finally gets him for me, and I'm still nice as pie to her but somehow he decides the whole me meeting her at that time (which was totally his fault for not calling me and telling me to come later than we'd planned) made him uncomfortable (him uncomfortable? how'd he feel if I told him about the hanging up on me and telling me he wasn't there which I didn't tell him), how is it my fault he was uncomfortable? It's his own fault we met, not hers or mine. Seriously, men make me insane and if I wasn't so zen and centered now I'd smack him upside his head. When I go to his show next Wednesday, if he doesn't introduce me to his best friend (who I know will be there) correctly, I'm done. I don't need a friend with benefits, I've had that and I'm not settling for less than I want anymore. Life is too short and I want someone who wants to be with me, just me, because I am more than enough dammit.

Dating news

So the last guy I blogged about dating already went bye-bye, I swear I go thru guys like someone with alergies goes thru kleenex. However, I'm dating a new guy, we've already gone out 5 times (whoo hoo!) and I actually really like him. I'm trying hard not to F it up, I've been known to sabotage relationships in the past...
So, pros and cons- he's in the entertainment biz (if I gave his name you could actually look him up on IMDB.com and he'd come up), this is a con, I don't usually date industry men. He's kind of chunky, not really a con except it could encourage me to not eat as healthy as normal if I'm around someone not eating healthy. He doesn't dress very well and I'm rediculously into clothes. But on the pro side, he's smart, has a really good sense of humor, likes lots of different movies and music, good kisser and good in bed, yay! Yes, that's right folks, finally had sex after more than a year, first time since the BC diagnosis! And it was at least as much fun as I remember! Oh yeah, plus, he is a huge boost to my ego, tells me how sexy I am (even with one boob!), how I'm the thinnest girl he's ever been with (WHAT? in Los Angeles, where I am barely average? how cool is that?), that I'm beautiful, etc. So obviously the pros hugely outweigh the cons. He's coming over this weekend to my hood, I may even cook for him (gasp!). Please keep your fingers crossed that I don't get all crazy and mess things up.