It's been that long???

a week since I bothered to write anything, but then again, not much is going on worth writing about. I did see the newest guy last Wednesday, but he couldn't make dinner so I told him to come over and watch Lost with me and he did. so we are sitting on my couch watching that, then laying on it watching Seinfeld afterward, then making out and messing around and he gets a little too excited if you know what I mean but I am absolutely not having sex with him and he's complaining about blueballs, not in a mean way but like, hey, they suck and somehow I'm now topless so I end up letting him release on my bare breasts, I mean, nothing about sex between two consenting adults bothers me or weirds me out, so what the hell, I figure I don't have to put in any effort, he gets off, and I get to see the goods before committing to sex.
the rest of the week must not have been very exciting because nothign comes to mind until Friday, our poker group was going to play Hold em and we went to Long Beach for dinner, then to a Hookah bar. I do not smoke anything, for the most part, so I did not partake, but we were all sitting around playing games while some smoked and I ended up burning my arm pretty good on the top of the dang hookah, apparently they get quite hot, that was not fun. then we went back to Chase's house to play poker, I did ok, came out ahead, but I just am not having much fun playing with this group anymore, they play like assholes, way too competitive, I mean, we are all friends, you shouldn't be all psyched to take your friend's money half an hour into playing, it's just so crappy, and I finally said something to the most competitive guy, keeping in mind I wasn't losing or anything and when he loses, god forbid, he gets all bitchy and pouty about it, I told him I'm tired of our group playing like assholes and he said he was sorry I felt like that and I said I was too. he was actually better the rest of the game but I think I'm done playing with that group.
Saturday and Sunday I was a bum most of the time, except when I was working, it was nice doing almost nothing, went to the gym on Sunday after work, and cleaned my shower really well so I could take a bubble bath, other than that did almost nothing.
I have a five day weekend coming up, I am so happy about that, I'm planning on doing a heck of a lot of nothing, I have a list, it looks something like this: look at apartments in Glendale and Montrose, go to Ventura and Camarillo (great outlet shops) which will also include going to used bookstores, the beach and lunch, look for more jobs in Eugene, go to or rent a movie(s), read, get an oil change and wash the car and maybe clean my apartment. most of those might get done but if not, oh well. I can't decide if I am really moving to Oregon or not, so far no luck finding a job but then again I haven't tried all that hard, only applied to like two, I need to get off my ass if I really want to do this. in the meantime I figure I can look for other apartments since I just hate living in my building now, it really sucks because I love my actual apartment but I don't feel comfortable and then yesterday the frickin property manager came into the apartments w/out notice again, that's not even allowed, I'm going to talk to a lawyer today, but I don't want to deal with this, it sucks. and then my 38th birthday is in like a week, ugh, I'm not looking forward to that AT ALL. stupid aging, if the alternative didnt' suck more I wouldn't do it...

Another day another date

Going out with the Coldstone guy again tonight, I actually kind of like him so far, but not too much which is good, I'd rather like them a little and them like me a lot rather than vice versa and it is nice to like someone, I haven't kissed him yet but probably will tonight, so if that goes well... maybe I'll actually stay sane and just see where it goes, anything's possible
I am still employed at Starbucks, I gave notice but then my manager didn't want me to leave, so I told her the schedule I'd want to work which is a really annoying one and the reason I just gave notice, I didn't want to be that pain in the ass person, the schedule I want is: one weeknight closing (Monday thru Thursday, don't care which one), work either Sat or Sun, never both, no openings, in fact nothing really before 10 am, and absolutely no shifts over 6 hours, I hate working an eight hour shift there, it kicks my butt after working 40+ hours during the week, after I rattled all that off to her she looked at me like I was a crazy person and I said see, that's why I just gave notice, I didn't think you'd want to deal with that. So she asked if this would be a forever thing and I said no, but probably thru the summer because we are busy at work and I can't work as much here, so she said we'd try it thru the end of June and if it doesn't work for either one of us I'll just quit, so I guess I still work there, oh well, I can pay off another bill or something I guess.
My mom let my brother move back in, he had been out for about a year I guess, got on meth, got off (?) of it, is working currently but how long will that last now that he's back at home? The problem is that he actually does better when he's forced to fend for himself, the moment he's back at home he reverts, I have seen the pattern repeat itself over and over yet my family seems incapable of seeing it, I told my mom I think she made a huge mistake letting him move back in and she said she agreed so I asked why she did it then and she said she must be stupid which to me is a cop-out, it's a way of not taking responsibility for your actions, it makes me crazy. I told her that I think she can't see the pattern that happens because she's too close to it and me being farther away it's easier to see, but actually what I also think happens with my family is that deep down, sub-consciously, my mom wants her kids to be dependent on her, I really think this is true, and both my sister and brother are, when they get too independent she sucks them back in and makes them dependent again, then it gets to be too much, out they go and the cycle repeats, so dysfunctional, but I am not saying that to her, it would just hurt her feelings and it wouldn't change anything so what's the point? I'm the only one who is independent and that's because I refused to move back in when I got divorced and she made the offer several times but I was like, no way can I do that, I actually told her there was no way I could move back and I've stuck to that and I have my own life and a good job and yeah, I am messed up with men and can't sustain a relationship with one but I have awesome friends so all in all I am pretty happy with this experiment I call my life.

Shopping and dinner dates

I found the cutest skirt yestserday at Ann Taylor Loft, denim A-line with cute seaming and it was on sale for.... $9.99! I love great deals like that! I also found a sleeveless lavender blouse, v-neck, for $24.99, a little more than I wanted to pay but still, two things for under $40 is a good deal. I'm very happy with my shopping yesterday, I always feel like a hunter who bagged the prize trophy :)
I was in Studio City to meet one of the newer guys for dinner, we went to Art's Deli, I had a chinese chicken salad and he had bacon and eggs (not sure why, but hey, it's his meal), he was running late hence me shopping while I waited which then made him have to wait because I was in the dressing room trying on clothes when he got there. that'll teach him to be late! then we walked across the street and had Coldstone, yum, if you haven't had it you are missing out, I had the small sizes raspberry sorbet (fat free but not sugar free, oh well) with dark chocolate chips, raspberry and dark chocolate together are the bomb! he had this horrible concoction, some kind of icecream with bananas, p-nut butter and marshmallows, the largest size they had, and ate the whole thing, I would have been sick, he said he probably was going to be later. but it was a nice date and we are going out again next week sometime.
tonight I actually have no plans, I'm going to go to Target after work and then Ross or Marshalls and then go home and have some wine and maybe take a bubble bath and watch all the shows I taped this week and tomorrow I'm sleeping in and then going to a housewarming party and then I have to close at SB. but since I gave notice at least I know there's an end in sight, so hopefully it won't bother me as much as it has been lately.

Blech

Pretty much sums up how I'm feeling, just blech. Not much going on to talk about, work is work, I was supposed to work 8 hours at SB on Saturday but I didn't go in. I had a spa massage in the morning then we went to lunch at Cheesecake Factory and after lunch I felt odd, dizzy, actually fell going up the stairs at my apartment and ended up calling out sick. So I stayed home all the rest of the day, mostly in bed and then went and played Texas Hold 'em that night with a new group of guys, me the only woman and 6 men, I did ok and they were nice guys, all in the entertainment industry, the only bad thing is they mostly all smoked, and not just cigarettes the whole time, I think I got a contact high.
Sunday I did nothing all day, it was awesome, I had to work at 7:15 that night so I went to the grocery store around noon but other than that I stayed in, watched tv, took an hour long nap, played with Monkee and that's all. I miss days like that, it's why I want to quit SB actually, I really like being able to be a bum and stay in my pjs half the day reading and watching random stupid crap on tv.
Monday I was good and went to the gym for an hour and a half and yesterday I went again after work, off to a good start this week. Tonight I have to close at SB, so I am going home to eat and pet the cat and then off to work.
I also applied for two jobs in Eugene OR this week, I am hoping to hear back from at least one of them so keep your fingers crossed for me. I want to find a job and be out of LA by mid summer if possible. I've been looking at houses there too, if I can find a job that pays close to what I make now I can afford a really nice house there.
Really nothing else going on, my life is v. boring at the moment. Peace.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Yes, it is the 5th of May, aka Cinco de Mayo, which is celebrated all over the US but especially in CA where we have a v. large proportion of latinos. There will be parties all day, some people are undoubtedly already drunk as I type this and you are taking your lives in your hands driving on our freeways today (although that's really always the case anyway). A lot of people think I am latina, looking at me, olive skin and dark brown hair, but I am not at all, I am a mix of a bunch of different things, none of which are from central or south america. I get spoken in to in Spanish pretty much everday, I was just in a Ralphs supermarket and one of the employees said something to me in Spanish as I walked by, no idea what it was, but he sounded polite, I don't think it was dirty or anything. I do speak poquito espanole, but it's hard for me to hold a conversation, I can't think of what to say quickly enough and if they speak fast I only catch a few words out of every couple of sentences. I will be going to Happy Hour after work today with friends and having a couple of margaritas to celebrate and then probably going home as I have a spa appt tomorrow morning to get a massage and have to be there by 8:15 and it's in the valley so I have to leave fairly early then I work all day, 4:15 or so till 12:45 am the next morning, so I want to get some rest tonight if possible. It will be SO nice to get a massage, it's been a long time and I am stressed and tense and my neck has been really jacked up lately, I am looking forward to it. Then we are having lunch at Cheesecake Factory then I have to head back home to get ready for work.

My life, such as it is

Let's see, what's been happening in Beannland? Well, the guy I needed to talk to seems to be gone, and yes, I sort of wimped out but on the other hand he sort of ended it himself by annoying me too much in one day. Saturday I had to work at SB during the day and I had the night off. He called during my shift and of course I didn't get the message till later when I got off work so I did call him back. I was really tired that day and I was already having a drink with another guy that night so I didn't want to do anything else, just go for a drink then go home early which I told "A", the one I wasn't interested in. and then he completely ignores what I justs said and tells me "so I get done with my mixer thing at like 10, we should go do something after that" and I have to say "no, like I just said, I just want to hang out at my house with my cat and watch the 10 shows I taped over the last week and a half and chill". so he's like, oh, you just want to spend a boring Sat night at home and I'm like, yes, that's my idea of nirvana at this moment. and I think that's that, so I go for a drink with the new guy who's actually got a great personality, not exactly my type physically but we had fun, the convo was entertaining and we both had a good time. I didn't stay long though because I really did want to just go home but then my friend Jennifer calls and says she's bored, her boyfriend of 8 years recently broke up with her, he was cheating and is now with that girl and she doesn't like to sit home much so I said I'd go into Glendale and shoot some pool or something mellow with her but I didn't want to stay out late. in the meantime I miss a call from someone and I look and it's freakin' "A", I check my voicemail and he's left a message saying basically, I know you are home watching tv, what a boring way to spend Sat, call me back so we can do something, and I'm like, you have got to be kidding, what part of N O do you not understand, I hate being pressured by anyone and especially men, so I didn't call back that night or the next day and he hasn't called so now I haven't talked to him since Saturday and I think that's it. I guess it's good that it ended somehow but of course that wasn't the way I intended to do it, oh well, it's done.
Everytime I have to go into SB now, every shift, I dread, I am so tired of working two jobs, it's only been like 5 months but I miss my free time horribly and I'm tired of being tired all the damn time and I paid off the credit card bill I wanted to pay off so I think I am going to quit there sometime next month. I feel bad though because I really like everyone and don't want to leave them right as it gets busy for summer but then again I never meant this to be a long term thing so...
I was looking at houses in Eugene, OR, you can get a three bedroom two bath for under $150K, the mortgage payment would be LESS than my rent and the jobs seem to pay a decent amount. so I am going to look for jobs in that area and probably move out of LA this summer. I'm tired of renting, I'll never be able to afford a house here, maybe a condo if I'm lucky and I want a yard and space and trees, so I am going to move.